It's A Beautiful Day For Some Hatin'

My friend Sasha doesn't hate the West Virginia University quite enough. This doesn't usually cause a problem but once a year or so, and it's not a big problem. It's more of a her problem, actually, because she's the one who has to be disturbed by the foam flecking my beard, and suchlike. But it's true. She doesn't hate them the same way she hates other things she's supposed to hate with the white-hot fury of a thousand million exploding suns, like the Dallas Cowboys and Dook basketball and Karl Rove.

I attribute WVU's long run of undefeatedness against shitty football teams almost entirely to Sasha's failure to generate sufficient passion on this issue. But no more. It was a happy night last night on ESPN, and even though it's witch-titty cold and the wind is blowing like snot and Ilse and I have to leave the house and do things, rather than bunkering down, slamming the kids with chloral hydrate, and fucking like bunnies (for the six to eight seconds I can keep up that kind of pace), a warm glow suffuses my heart, because those goddam motherfucking cocksucking dirt-stupid pansyass-schedule-playing Hillbillies got pantsed last night on national television.

So, uhm, take that, Sasha.

It is almost a glorious time in the BCS; one of the top two teams will lose, because they're playing each other in a few weeks. This will leave an opening for an undefeated subpar Big East football allegory to go undefeated and challenge conventional notions about who belongs in national championship games. Louisville and Rutgers are precisely such allegories, and they play next week. The ubiquitous Doctor Death is, of course, a Rutgers alum, and seems to think that the BCS will recognize Rutgers if it goes undefeated.

To that, Ilse and I say the same thing we said last night, when the ESPN stooges were questioning the Rutgers coach at halftime of the Hillbillies-Villebillies game:

Dood. Get a life. You're fucking Rutgers.

That harsh reality aside, I'll cheerfully pull for Rutgers in its uphill struggle, partly because two of their remaining games are against the Hillbillies and the Villebillies. And because I wholeheartedly agree that conventional notions should be challenged (unless they're perfectly sensible conventional notions like disliking Republicans and hating the West Virginia University).

Of course, either way, an undefeated crap-ass Big East team means but one thing: another fucking championship for the Fuckeyes or the Dullverines, and that? Is not a classically Martha Stewart good thing. But Go Rutgers anyway.

Itemization

Things experienced and overheard:

Terps Still Suck

In recent news, the football team needed to block a figgie in the closing seconds to beat an atrociously lame Felonhole squad last Saturday, the basketball team struggled to beat a division II team by one point last night, and the soccer team took 104 minutes to score a bloody goal on BC last night in the ACC soccer tournament. New and revised predictions: Football: 8-4; Basketball: I don't want to think about it; Soccer: death by Duke on Friday, early exit from NCAA tournament for defending champions.

Brit Hume Still Sucks

The local ubernews station talks to various media fuckbuckets once a week, and the smug liar Brit Hume is one of them. This morning, Brit pooh-poohed the notion of problems with electronic voting machines. "You'd have to be dumb as a box of hammers not to get a correct vote on one of these things," he crowed. "Millions of people use ATMs every day and there's no problem with those."

See, Brit, it's not like you have to worry about being challenged at the polls without cause, or about technologically challenged election judges, or about being assaulted by your senator's handlers when you try to ask a question. Or about any of a million other things that confront actual human beings. So shut the fuck up, you robo-lying tool of Ruppert Murdoch and the Bush Administration.

"Your Dog's Bad Breath May Be Covering Up Her Real Problem"

Also heard on my local ubernews station.

Your dog's real problem is that she's a fucking dog.

Republicans in Trouble

Yet more newsy goodness from the Media Overlords of Obviousness.

The R's will lose the House. It seems to me to be close to a lock. The Senate's more dicey; anything from 52-48 R to 52-48 D won't surprise me.

But the R's are getting increasingly desperate. It does not seem implausible that there will be some Election Day thievery; what I find interesting is that I think it's a nontrivial possibility that the R's are desperate enough to do it in a way that they get caught. That'll be fun.

And You?

You I will crush like a clam on a sea otter's belly. To be continued.