Important Things

1. Japanese schoolgirls, sex therewith, and bombs on the trains on which one encounters Japanese schoolgirls and has sex therewith. That, my friends, is socially redeeming poetry.

After you've done this, Google "japanese schoolgirl bomb fuck poem" and give bDr another hit from Google Porn. Heh.

2. I'm so sure that our friend D will appreciate being cited in the same post as the above that I must encourage you now to go vote for DCenters for Best Fucking Soccer Blog Ever, No, Really, Shut Up, I'm Totally Cereal. In fact, I'm not encouraging you, I'm ordering you. Go do it. Now. And then do it again every day until December 7. You Are My Minions, And This I Command.

While you're there, I would encourage you (really encourage--the only important thing here is voting for DCenters, but while you're there...) to vote for anyone but Landon Donovan or Freddie Adu in any player or game category. For the record, my votes:

Best Goal (Men): Benny Feilhaber v. Mexico. Easy call. Anyone knowledgeable who votes for anything else is just fucktarded, although I'll admit that Frankie Hejduk's career-capping goal against Ew Canada and the bitch Patrick Onstad was pretty freakin' cool, for something Frankie Hejduk did.

Best Goal (Women): Carli Lloyd v. New Zealand. Another easy call, although you can't go wrong voting for anything involving Abby Wambach, either.

Best Performance (Player): I'm partial to Abby Wambach v. Sweden on this one (unlike bDr, who's partial to Abby Wambach, period, but then again he's got a thing for tall girls), but you would not be ill-advised to vote for Tim Howard v. Mexico, Josy Altidore v. Brazil, or Christie Rampone (who I don't like) v. England, either.

Best Performance (Team): Men v. Mexico (June 24 in Chicago), or Women v. England, depending on your preference. Beating Mexico is always good, but the Womens looked really pretty damn good against an England team that seriously should've given them a lot more trouble than it did.

But really, there's only one thing here that's important. Right? DCenters. Do it. Now. Don't ask questions. Right?

Blaming Norman Mailer

He was no Kurt Vonnegut. But it would be hard for me to come up with a dyad that better summed up my serious formative reading than Vonnegut and Mailer. The lessons stuck at different times; it was not until far too late in my life that I realized that being kind was of some importance. On the other hand, the lessons of Miami and the Siege of Chicago stuck early and often, and still do.

I'm not saying that my level of respect for the two icons is equal, or that it should be. Mailer was a bundle of external-facing issues, while Vonnegut's issues were more inwardly focused. I'm just saying that a guy who gets drunk and stabs you at a party, or extols the virtues of sweaty people punching the crap out of each other, is probably more likely to move down on your social networking pyramid than a guy who tries to off himself with Pall Malls or more immediate means.

I'm just saying that if I had to name two deadly serious and important guys who helped to form my thinking when it was forming--before I realized that thinking was forming--I'd be naming two guys who died this year.

And of course it's about me. Who the fuck else would it be about? If I ever seriously fuck up and get noticed? Then maybe I'll think deep thoughts that don't involve the bottom two levels of the Maslow pyramid:


Or my cock--it's really not all that clear to me where Maslow intended that to fall.

Speaking of esteem needs and self-actualization, enjoy this piece of art produced by one of the unfortunate souls that call me "Boss:"

Ta.

Yet Another Update

And for the last time this season: Fuck.

The positively excrescent collapse of DCU in the opening round of the MLS playoffs (and I'll leave it to this guy to rant about the idiocy of the MLS playoffs) doesn't nauseate me nearly as much as the thought that I may well have just seen Jaime Moreno and Christian Gomez (among others) in United kit for the very last time.

Or as much as the thought that I'd really rather see New England win a game on Saturday. The vomiting may never stop.

Update/Comments Response: Let's not get all irrationally exuberant here, Jolene. I would really rather see a localized black hole open and swallow everything from Kennebunk to Cherry Hill, save the people and restaurants I like. I'm just talking about preferences in the range of likely outcomes, is all.