Frightened Fascists

Sasha is spot-on here. WTF are the Republicans thinking? They're following up the panic fuck-you of the Mooseburgers selection with an appeal to fear of terrorists weather? They're going to do what instead of doing the business they descended on St. Paul to do (I mean other than rousting hippies)?

Of course, in a rational world, this hypocritical shit backfires. We get to point out that Sarah Palin is a fuck-you to every woman in America. We get to point out that George Antoinette and John Antoinette literally ate cake while New Orleans got blown away the last time. We get to call them on their bullshit.

Will it work? I'm pessimistic. But I'll make the effort. What a pack of shallow, fearmongering twits.

Wrapped in the Flag

So law enforcement officials in the Twin Cities are raiding homes occupied by people there to protest at the RNC. These are not raids where the police knock on the door and serve a warrant; they're dressed in black (with masks), toting automatic weapons, kicking in doors, "detaining" the people inside (that means making them lay on the floor, handcuffed, in case you're a little weak on the whole euphemism thing), and conducting searches for which they refuse to show warrants until the end of the search. In one case, they "detained" someone for asking to see a warrant.

It also develops that Minnesota law (not yet constitutionally tested, apparently, and rarely if ever used, allows for the detention of criminal suspects without charges for up to 36 hours (not including weekends and holidays). This could keep some detainees in custody until Wednesday afternoon.

Further, Minneapolis housing officials swooped down on one of the raided properties to board it up, 5 hours after the raid (the homeowner is still in custody). The violation tenaciously cited by those officials? A broken back door that the police had kicked in. Just for spice, Minneapolis charges homeowners $6,000 when it boards up their houses for code violations.

(Trusted and beloved local Minions correspondent Swamahari is invited, nay, beseeched to report in the comments.)

It'd be one thing if we could hold the Republicans responsible for this. But they're not the only ones complicit in the creation of the police state.

This is some sick shit. We're all the terrorists, as far as the government is concerned.

Let Me Explain

If you are voting for John McCain because Sarah Palin is a woman, then you are an idiot and you have failed in your responsibility to society to use your vote wisely. If you are a woman and you are voting for John McCain because Sarah Palin is a woman, all of the above is true, and the fate you best deserve involves Robert Duvall and pregnancy at gunpoint.

It's unfortunate if you think I am a misogynist for any of the above, or for stating that Sarah Palin is a Creationist, gun-toting, polar-bear-hating, Gilead-loving, oil-guzzling opportunist whose main claims to fame are that she finished second in a beauty contest and that she was mayor of a hick town for two years before kicking Frank Murkowski in the ribs while he was down (not that he didn’t have it coming), so that she could take over at the head of the line at the fucking trough that is Alaska politics--at which trough she has herself lapped heartily.

It's unfortunate because, if you are representative of the sampling of what I've read on this topic (including stuff written by PUMAs who have the unmitigated gall to carry the "Advertise Liberally" logo on their blogs) you are just fucking diseased, and I hope you don't get the fate you actually deserve--because I'm not nearly as much of a misogynist as you are.

I am in a contemplative snit, and I don't like where my thoughts are going, because they are seriously Hamiltonian in tone and nature. And while I'm an Alex guy in general, and I think it's fun to toy around with the notion that some people are too stupid to vote, it scares me when I actually get close to getting there, because I'm an American too, and unlike people who would casually propel us further into fascism because Sarah Palin has a twat, I understand what the fuck that means.

Or maybe I should just stop reading the fucking Intertubes.

Kodachrome

We went to New York a few weekends ago, and one of our trips was to the Meadowlands to see DCU get spanked by the Red Scum. This was in the dark days when Zap Wells was still the DCU keeper, and Ilse snapped a couple of lovely photos, including this one of a banner hung by Red Bulls fans:

I repeat. Not a travelling DCU banner. There was also this lovely shot of the passion of NYRB fans:

RFK it ain't. And Fleabus it ain't, but we do try to entertain. When we feel like it.

Dear Ba'al

Thanks for the inexperienced bag of witless, mindless conservatism, an avid woman-killer, gun nut, Creationist, and former beauty queen; the replacement for Cindy; the endless Meaning of Life jokes; and the three electoral votes that she'll theoretically lock down for Saint BBQ.

Y'know, I still think Joe Biden is an asshat choice for Obama, although I'll now at least concede the Biden as Attack Dog meme. But for once, a Republican is more eager to shoot himself in the testes than a Democrat. Woo and hoo.

Let's review:

Wasilla, Alaska City Council, 4 years; Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, 6 years; Governor of Alaska, 2 years.

Yeah. Obama's inexperienced.

Hates pregnant women.
Hates freedom.
Hates science.
Hates people who don't like guns.
(True corollary: hates animals and likes to shoot them.)

Yeah, she's going right after those Hillary votes.

Brunette.
Not pregnant since April, and apparently not all dried up.
Does not immediately evince utter nonpolitical batshit craziness at first televised glance.

Ooh. Gavin's right, Cindy. Double down on the Klonopin. Daddy's gonna show Miss Alaska (runner-up) what a bamboo rod is all about.

Sasha's right. Today, I'll gloat. Tomorrow? I'll get back to predicting a massive Saint BBQ victory, although there's also a little Trilateral Commission conspiracy theory I'd like to toss around with you.

Old Habits

Him. Birthday. Now. Deliver the love, mofos.

In his head since before it existed, be in yours:



Y'know what? Someone else has a birthday today, and she's the most Googleriffic target on this blog who isn't named Megan Marshack (whose picture has never actually appeared in this blog, but who apparently holds a special place in the minds of Googlers--I suspect this may be one of the very few sites in the whole Intertubes that contains her name). But I digress. Give it up for Bong Girl!

Because she's clearly ready to give it up for you.

What I Do Best

Not that I'll do it well here. But semen on a cracker, bDr, what the fuck do you want? You get to pull up into the frightening security of that mildewed old VW advert three times on a beautiful Saturday night, in the company of the lovely women who people your household, and you want to pummel the scrubs for it? What's good enough for you, mofo? Didn't you get enough vinegar on your kashi this morning, you cranky old fart?

What are Craig Thompson and Joe Vide doing to you, other than helping to keep our club from the cellar as it swings between manic competence and depressive thrashings by NYRB? You can’t have Benny out on the right just now. You just can’t. Getthefuckover it. And all the high-priced trollops have vaginal tearing. Getthefuckover it. Louis Crayton has two shutouts and you gotta remind that he was a second-stringer in Switzerland? Maybe he had the ghost of Mary Shelley's Oliver Kahn in front of him, huh? Maybe? "He's not Peter Cech." Bloody good thing, too, innit? You want a freak whose mommy puts a helmet on him for chess tournaments out in front of your goal?

I was in New York the other weekend (yes, attribute our spanking at the hands of Red Scum to me--I was there, and being serenaded by Scum fans, who were kind enough not to actually stomp me to death). I actually saw Andy Rooney shuffling down the sidewalk and into the restaurant at which I was about to dine. I do not need to see him writing your fucking blog, dood.

DCU is a mood swing of a team this season, and that's frustrating, especially when the downswings come hard and rhythmically against evils like the Red Scum and the Revs. But get a grip. Six points back with nine to play--including home games against two of the teams in front of us, and a road game against a yellow football team, and games against teams fraught with pathos and despair, and a race for the Shield, and a race for the playoffs, and a home USOC final against a USL team, and two games against Saprissa? This is dinner. This is what we came for .

So you go piss in your kashi if that's what thrills you, my old friend. Look back on the dark days of April and May and remember what this season could have been like, and the thing's way more rosy. This season is what Tradition is about, mofo.

* I got one complaint. It'd be nice if, on a night when I can't get to Estadio RFK, Comcast would show me something other than the Redskins getting their asses handed to them in a meaningless preseason wank. Shit, I'd have been happy with getting the game in Spanish on WMDO. Bite me, Comcast.

Want Me To Blog?

Easy. Just name as your second a tired old hack who virtually guarantees you'll lose an election that you should never, ever, in a million years lose, a bloated sack of wind who utterly negates your message of change and hope, who further negates the awesome weapon that is your opponent's own advanced age and mental and physical decrepitude. Just hand an election, in one stroke (rather than the series of senseless, selfish, arrogant blunders you've been indulging) to an opponent who is stompdown insane.

I really do not understand Democrats' propensity for shooting themselves in the testicles and then twisting hard while they masturbate. I suppose it's intolerant of me, judging CBT freaks that way (and I will accept your gratitude for not following through on my idea of leading this post with an image reflecting the CBT theme).

Assholes.