President Obama thinks Jimmy Carter is wrong.
President Obama isn't that fucking stupid.
He is, however, that big of a fucking milquetoast pussy, and it's really a shame that, in telling such a giant whopping lie, he's so blithely giving back the moral high ground to assholes like Joe Wilson and Mike "No One Threw Oreos At You, But I Will The Next Time I See You" Steele.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Why I No Longer Aspire To Politeness At All
Certain long-time readers--to whom I will remain unfailingly polite, even when making suggestions for their fornicative activities--have occasionally lamented my penchant for assertive language. They base this lament on a sense that we should all be civil, whatever that means, and that if I were more civil, more people might visit my blog.
The fallacies are obvious, at least to me. I don't actually care whether anyone reads this blog. I'm just venting. That some of my friends choose to read is flattering and wunnerful. If they don't choose to read, they don't. If strangers visit, and once in a while they do, they're welcome. They're welcome to comment, too, no matter how fucktarded their POV (that doesn't happen often, and it hasn't happened in recent memory, just in case you might thing this comment is pointed at you). In fact, more fucktarded comments come from close friends than from strangers. But I digress. The point is that I don't care whether anyone's reading.
The other fallacy may be less obvious. Civility, like everything, is relative (yeah, I'm a relativistic nihilist, get over it). Incivility does not consist simply of using certain words deemed taboo. What's more uncivil, a random unknown mostly anonymous blogger screaming "Fuck," or a sitting United States Representative interrupting the President's speech to lie about the President lying? I submit that I'm not the uncivil one here.
I grow weary of right-wingers lying. I grow weary of their faux outrage. I will no longer suffer it kindly, not that I ever have. Roy Edroso's Village Voice summary of the absolutely batshit insane defenses of Joe Wilson's unconscionable behavior is as good a place as any to explore the issue.
On the other hand, discourse isn't civil. It's the price of America, which I still think is a pretty good thing. Of course it can be better, but frankly, Love It or Leave It has always been the most ridiculous and unAmerican of sentiments.
The thought that America is a pretty good thing probably makes me a bad lib. I know I'm a materialist. I think I'm an okay materialist; I like stuff, and I like other people to have stuff, too, especially food, shelter, clothing, equal treatment under the law, and preferential treatment under the law for those who have not enjoyed the same equal treatment under the law enjoyed by those of us who happen to be white, male, and not poor. I like sufficient asphalt to keep the rest of the assholes on the road out of my fucking way. I like trees, in their place. I like nature, in its place. I like clean water and safe food and the opportunity to obtain health care. I also happen to like stuff. Get over it.
We don't have to breathe fire over these people who stand in the way of so many of those very good things. We beat their asses in the last election. Of course we should leverage that, and of course our elected representatives should stand up to their terrorist liemongering. And they shouldn't bother with being civil about it, because the other side isn't. That's the real problem here; when they get to scream racist, hateful lies, then define the terms of the discussion in such a way that disagreement with racist, hateful lies is uncivil, we've fucked up pretty royally.
So, y'know, fuck you.
Update: Republicans claim efforts to punish Joe Wilson's deliberate and egregious violation of House rules are a partisan distraction from their patriotic bipartisan duty to make up new lies about health care reform proposals, Obama's legitimacy, and the nature of communism. They also whine about Pete Stark saying that some batshit Astroturfed town brawl protester wasn't worth the urine to piss on. Right-wingers are like that annoying kid standing an inch away from you, chanting, "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." Knee him in the balls, step on his nose while he's down, and move on, secure in the knowledge that you've dealt with him on the only level he understands, ignoring his outraged whinyass tittybaby cries that you wronged him.
Update II: This is one of the best days of my life, because this post made Swami say "Fuck." In public. Three times. It just doesn't get much better than that, unless you're talking about, say, an essentially nekkid Lucy Liu lashed to a Saint Andrews Cross with little bits of leather (and I can't wait to see what kind of perverse search hits I start getting from that text string right there).
The fallacies are obvious, at least to me. I don't actually care whether anyone reads this blog. I'm just venting. That some of my friends choose to read is flattering and wunnerful. If they don't choose to read, they don't. If strangers visit, and once in a while they do, they're welcome. They're welcome to comment, too, no matter how fucktarded their POV (that doesn't happen often, and it hasn't happened in recent memory, just in case you might thing this comment is pointed at you). In fact, more fucktarded comments come from close friends than from strangers. But I digress. The point is that I don't care whether anyone's reading.
The other fallacy may be less obvious. Civility, like everything, is relative (yeah, I'm a relativistic nihilist, get over it). Incivility does not consist simply of using certain words deemed taboo. What's more uncivil, a random unknown mostly anonymous blogger screaming "Fuck," or a sitting United States Representative interrupting the President's speech to lie about the President lying? I submit that I'm not the uncivil one here.
I grow weary of right-wingers lying. I grow weary of their faux outrage. I will no longer suffer it kindly, not that I ever have. Roy Edroso's Village Voice summary of the absolutely batshit insane defenses of Joe Wilson's unconscionable behavior is as good a place as any to explore the issue.
On the other hand, discourse isn't civil. It's the price of America, which I still think is a pretty good thing. Of course it can be better, but frankly, Love It or Leave It has always been the most ridiculous and unAmerican of sentiments.
The thought that America is a pretty good thing probably makes me a bad lib. I know I'm a materialist. I think I'm an okay materialist; I like stuff, and I like other people to have stuff, too, especially food, shelter, clothing, equal treatment under the law, and preferential treatment under the law for those who have not enjoyed the same equal treatment under the law enjoyed by those of us who happen to be white, male, and not poor. I like sufficient asphalt to keep the rest of the assholes on the road out of my fucking way. I like trees, in their place. I like nature, in its place. I like clean water and safe food and the opportunity to obtain health care. I also happen to like stuff. Get over it.
We don't have to breathe fire over these people who stand in the way of so many of those very good things. We beat their asses in the last election. Of course we should leverage that, and of course our elected representatives should stand up to their terrorist liemongering. And they shouldn't bother with being civil about it, because the other side isn't. That's the real problem here; when they get to scream racist, hateful lies, then define the terms of the discussion in such a way that disagreement with racist, hateful lies is uncivil, we've fucked up pretty royally.
So, y'know, fuck you.
Update: Republicans claim efforts to punish Joe Wilson's deliberate and egregious violation of House rules are a partisan distraction from their patriotic bipartisan duty to make up new lies about health care reform proposals, Obama's legitimacy, and the nature of communism. They also whine about Pete Stark saying that some batshit Astroturfed town brawl protester wasn't worth the urine to piss on. Right-wingers are like that annoying kid standing an inch away from you, chanting, "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." Knee him in the balls, step on his nose while he's down, and move on, secure in the knowledge that you've dealt with him on the only level he understands, ignoring his outraged whinyass tittybaby cries that you wronged him.
Update II: This is one of the best days of my life, because this post made Swami say "Fuck." In public. Three times. It just doesn't get much better than that, unless you're talking about, say, an essentially nekkid Lucy Liu lashed to a Saint Andrews Cross with little bits of leather (and I can't wait to see what kind of perverse search hits I start getting from that text string right there).
Friday, September 04, 2009
Clawing Out Mine Own Eyes With Feces-Smeared Punji Sticks Taken From The Bottom Of A Vintage 1969 Pitfall Trap In The An Hoa Valley
So there's this, wherein my futbol club was embarassed mightily, at home, by a pack of passive-aggressive punkass bitches from a passive-aggressive city represented by about a hundred wingnut-class deluded and sartorially retarded passive-aggressive baristas who think that selling half the seats in a grid football field and covering the rest with tarps is called a sellout.
The fun started when said fucktards got all torqued because their venue lost the bidding for who got to host the game. They lost because they proposed a 1 PM weekday time for the game in their retard fish-frog stadium. They claim they lost because of politics. They are stark raving bugfuck. Hilarity ensued.
The fun ended when, in the wake of the fucktards' first goal, my club's retard fish-frog goalkeeper deliberately stomped on or near the prone body of sartorially retarded punkass bitch number 17, whose development arrested at about the age of 8. I must assert that it doesn't matter that our goalkeeper missed, or that number 17 deserved far worse; it was a wrongass thing to do, period. I thought there might be some hope when, with about 5 minutes left in regulation, with a righteous 7 minutes or so of stoppage time, the idiot baristas started taunting by singing "Goodbye." Our intermittently badass ganja anchor mid immediately slammed home a goal off of a free kick, but time ran out before DCU (down 2-1) could equalize.
I want nothing to detract from the fundamental message that my club sucked. They danced on the ball, they turned over the ball, their tactics were shite in the face of speedy opposition, and they didn't show the heart that I expect and deserve from them. Contrary to what this guy would have you believe, they were actually the better team for more of the game, but they couldn't convert because they were unwilling to direct the pelota toward the gol. That's sorta fatal.
Despite all of that, the crunchy baristas deserved to win. They scored more fucking goals. End of story. Congrats to them. They won a trophy. In about 30 years, when they've won eleven more, they'll have some basis for the amount of aggrieved fucking noise they make. Except they won't. Seattle FC can shove itself up its own city's rainy, dank, suicidal ass.
That's not all that makes me want to smear my eye sockets with dysenteric feces. There's also this thing about the New York Times spreading a rumor about a splashy Chelsea Clinton wedding extravaganza, then blaming the Internets and the Clinton family because no one (read: the New York Times) wanted to believe the denials. Shakesville says it right.
Finally, there's teabagger outrage over the President's planned address to our nation's schoolchildren next week. Some of the more clever wingnuts are pretending that it's about a suggested lesson plan accompanying the planned speech (one of the study questions/assignments in the suggested lesson plan was, indeed, effing stupid, as would be any teacher who taught to a suggested lesson plan without reviewing it and making sure it was age/grade/region-appropriate, but of course the remarkably dumb No Child Left Behind law has gotten rid of all of the teachers who are that lazy and ignorant--oh, wait, no it hasn't.). Except when they're not. Reagan, Bush, and Hoover (!) all took opportunities to speak directly to schoolchildren, which doesn't seem to be a problem for wingnut astroturfers. SN! links to Politico's pretty transparent attempt to flame the fans of outrage, which quotes one of my local county's school board members' feeble attempts to defend herself and the school board against lies propagated by malicious racist fuckwits.
So yeah, the shit-smeared punji sticks are looking pretty good.
The fun started when said fucktards got all torqued because their venue lost the bidding for who got to host the game. They lost because they proposed a 1 PM weekday time for the game in their retard fish-frog stadium. They claim they lost because of politics. They are stark raving bugfuck. Hilarity ensued.
The fun ended when, in the wake of the fucktards' first goal, my club's retard fish-frog goalkeeper deliberately stomped on or near the prone body of sartorially retarded punkass bitch number 17, whose development arrested at about the age of 8. I must assert that it doesn't matter that our goalkeeper missed, or that number 17 deserved far worse; it was a wrongass thing to do, period. I thought there might be some hope when, with about 5 minutes left in regulation, with a righteous 7 minutes or so of stoppage time, the idiot baristas started taunting by singing "Goodbye." Our intermittently badass ganja anchor mid immediately slammed home a goal off of a free kick, but time ran out before DCU (down 2-1) could equalize.
I want nothing to detract from the fundamental message that my club sucked. They danced on the ball, they turned over the ball, their tactics were shite in the face of speedy opposition, and they didn't show the heart that I expect and deserve from them. Contrary to what this guy would have you believe, they were actually the better team for more of the game, but they couldn't convert because they were unwilling to direct the pelota toward the gol. That's sorta fatal.
Despite all of that, the crunchy baristas deserved to win. They scored more fucking goals. End of story. Congrats to them. They won a trophy. In about 30 years, when they've won eleven more, they'll have some basis for the amount of aggrieved fucking noise they make. Except they won't. Seattle FC can shove itself up its own city's rainy, dank, suicidal ass.
That's not all that makes me want to smear my eye sockets with dysenteric feces. There's also this thing about the New York Times spreading a rumor about a splashy Chelsea Clinton wedding extravaganza, then blaming the Internets and the Clinton family because no one (read: the New York Times) wanted to believe the denials. Shakesville says it right.
Finally, there's teabagger outrage over the President's planned address to our nation's schoolchildren next week. Some of the more clever wingnuts are pretending that it's about a suggested lesson plan accompanying the planned speech (one of the study questions/assignments in the suggested lesson plan was, indeed, effing stupid, as would be any teacher who taught to a suggested lesson plan without reviewing it and making sure it was age/grade/region-appropriate, but of course the remarkably dumb No Child Left Behind law has gotten rid of all of the teachers who are that lazy and ignorant--oh, wait, no it hasn't.). Except when they're not. Reagan, Bush, and Hoover (!) all took opportunities to speak directly to schoolchildren, which doesn't seem to be a problem for wingnut astroturfers. SN! links to Politico's pretty transparent attempt to flame the fans of outrage, which quotes one of my local county's school board members' feeble attempts to defend herself and the school board against lies propagated by malicious racist fuckwits.
So yeah, the shit-smeared punji sticks are looking pretty good.
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