Friday, May 04, 2007

Take That, Ilse

(Updated; see below. The official compilation is now Lucy Liu, Charlize Theron, Melissa Theuriau, Lauren Graham, and Parker Posey. And we're done with this.)

There appears to be some confusion over The List. Ilse doubts my historic inclusion of certain individuals on that all-important document. Therefore and herewith, in no order pertaining to anything:

1. Lucy Liu. For example, here:

1a. The pharmacist at my grocery store, who is a dead ringer for Lucy Liu (Ilse is calling bullshit on this one, in the event that the pharmacist at my grocery store should accidentally wake up one day completely demented and have some desire to fuck me. I consider this encouraging, even though Ilse's perspective on who might want to fuck me is unfathomably skewed.)

2. Charlize Theron. For example, here:

Charlize is a rarity in that I don't do blondes.

3. Sarah Silverman, although I gotta say her stock stays depressed for as long as she's banging Jimmy Kimmel. I like to think that he's the one doing the catching, if'n you catch my drift.

4. Yoko Matsugane. Thanks to every misogynist sports blog everywhere for making her a household name.

5. Melissa Theuriau. She's a French newscaster. I didn't know either, until TBogg introduced us.

Honorable mentions who shall, sadly, have to remain off-list and, therefore, untouchable unless I can get to this blog in time to alter the evidence: Alyssa Milano (problem: Dodgers fan); Catherine Zeta-Jones (problems: she'd break me like a twig, and I'd have to fight Ilse and Wheezy to get at her anyway); and her:

But mostly because that, for some reason, deeply disturbs Ilse.


Scratch the Japanese Hooters Girl. What kind of a dipshit forgets Lauren Graham? The me kind of dipshit, that's what kind.

EXTREME WITLESSNESS UPDATE II: Okay, this is the last one, but it's important. Buh-bye, funny Jew girl tainted by Kimmelseed. This is a perfect example of why these things should be compiled carefully. While drunk. Say hello to the incomparable Parker Posey, and we'll just get on with our lives, then, shall we?


Sasha said...

You'll have to fight me to get to Charlize Theron and I don't do blondes either.

purplestate said...

Lucky you. You get a list.

Can we talk about how you arranged that? Because I can introduce you to Lucy, she went to acting school with a friend of mine from NYC.