Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Why My Futbol Team Eats A Bag of Cocks

From Goff:

Wicks; Habarugira, James, John; Allen, McTavish, Simms, Jacobson, Burch;
Pontius, Moreno. Subs: Kocic, Namoff, Fred, Gomez, Shipalane, Quaranta, Emilio.
(Olsen, Wallace and Jakovic get the day off; no Szetela again.) UPDATE: It's
actually a 4-4-2 with Burch and James in the middle.

Fuck you, Tom Soehn. If you can't be bothered to give a fuck, why should I? This is a team you've "built for international play?" Then you're a fuckstick moron. These are fucking professional athletes. They can't play two games in a week? Even in a crowded fixtures schedule, you can't come up with a more competitive rotation than to play all the fucking scrubs for a competition you claim you believe is important? Danny Fucking Szetela pissed in your oatmeal so rudely that you'd rather play Ely Fucking Allen for the 32 minutes it takes even a dipshit like you to realize he's a fucking liability? What, Szetela can't decide to backpass ineptly instead of attack, just like you fucking coach everyone else on your team to do, you despicable fucking bunkered-up loser? You're coughing up three goals a game with awesome consistency, and that makes you afraid to fucking attack? And what the fuck do you do if they don't keep their fucking shape, whip them fucking raw? That's how they act like they're coached. And when a team thinks holding shape is more important than possessing the ball, than attacking, and bunkers the fuck up with an endless succession of poorly executed backpasses, it's going to get fucking embarrassed in its own fucking house and any house it visits. When a team can't be bothered to run to keep up with its own attack, they don't give a shit, and when it happens game after game after fucking game, embarrassing the greatest football team in all the land game after game after fucking game in front of its adoring fans, that's pretty clearly a coaching problem. And you, Tom Fucking Soehn, have the unmitigated balls to hang your fucking players out to dry when you're clearly and deliberately coaching them to play like pussies. Fuck you, Tom Soehn.

Fred? Run, you fucking cocksucker. Stop fucking dancing, pass the fucking ball, and run like my football club is paying you hundreds of thousands of dollars in green American fucking money to actually fucking run like you're a professional fucking athlete, you fucking assclown.

And fuck you, Payne and Kasper, for putting up with--nay, encouraging--this insulting bullshit.

But most of all, fuck you, Tom Soehn, you cowardly fucking loser.

Updated Additional Fuck You, Tom Soehn:

(Also from Goff):

Soehn: "I want to put something to bed. We keep talking about [all the] games. You know what? It's no different than we have had every year. It's the reality: We have games every three days. I don't want to hear it as an excuse. We won't use it as an excuse. It's reality. We're going to move forward and make sure that is not even an idea. It's a reality."

Then where was Jacovic, you gormless piece of shit? Where was Namoff before the last 30 minutes? Where the fucking fuck was Quaranta before halftime? Where was Emilio? Why are you throwing reserves and guys who just got here out on the field and expecting them to compete, and throwing them under the bus when they have problems gelling? Why are you complicit in taking up four roster spaces with fucking Medicare cases, much as we love them? If the problem with Szetela is really that he's out of shape, what the fuck do you expect from a guy who's played in Europe when you bring him in during the European offseason? If the problem is a face-saving cover for him bitchslapping you like you deserve, why are you so fucking rigid and clueless that you can't see that you're coaching this club to total fucking destruction?

Fuck you, Tom Soehn. Fuck you and your lying bullshit and your haplessness and your utter loss of control over this team and your fucking equivocating and your fucking blaming your players for your shitty decisions. Y'know, you're not fucking technically inept, or at least you shouldn't be. Why the fuck are you coaching like you are? Fuck you, Tom Soehn. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well stated sir, I couldn't agree more

jaywag86 said...

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Andy said...

Right now...Landru hates Tom Soehn more than he hates Duke.