Sunday, December 27, 2009

Panty-Wetting

Yes, a brown person (presumably--do they have any other kind in Nigeria?), apparently Muslim in nature, tried to blow up an airplane on U.S. soil. Let's review some fundamental and related reality-based principles:

  • Most Muslims do not, in fact, hate us so much that they're fucking insane enough to set their balls on fire trying to blow up an airplane.
  • It's sort of miraculous that they don't, since we keep bombing their civilians and claiming we killed terrists.
  • One guy--a guy who any moron should've noticed shouldn't be on a fucking airplane--slipping through security in Amsterdam is not a reason to impose further violations of common sense on air travel, which is already afflicted with a plethora of common sense violations.
  • How many people on the airplane? Maybe 250? Who weren't killed? How many died on International Terrorists Fucked Our Sister Day? 3,000, give or take? Right. How many Iraqi and Afghani civilians have we killed in the last 8 years? Tens of thousands (my estimate is low, to keep the discussion reasonable--if you won't admit to that many, you're just a lying fuckwit)? Right. Shut the fucking fuck up.
  • Whoa. Crazy guy who set his balls on fire is the son of a Nigerian banker, and his father turned him in? Wow! Nigerian bankers are scammers, right? Something fishy about this, right? Wrong. Shut the fucking fuck up.
  • You're not scared enough about this, right? You need to do something about it, like beat the shit out of anyone on your airplane who's got a blanket or a laptop or needs to take a dump, right? Wrong. Shut the fucking fuck up. Unless someone very nearby your location has actually set their balls on fire, remain calm. Since the statistical incidence of this is something like 1 in every 94 trillion passenger air miles, you'll probably get to remain calm indefinitely.
  • This is all related to the fact that Landru smokes, right? Wrong. Shut the fucking fuck up, Purple.

We live in a fear-driven, fascist country. Last year's elections did not, and could not have, changed anything about that.1 Now, do I advocate standing up and taking action against all that? Fuck no. These crazy Nazi cocksuckers have guns and shit. Do I think it's worth noting? Yeah. Yeah, it is. Calm down and change your fucking panties.

Update: Seriously. Just fucking stop it. Idiots.

Another update: Nate Silver validates my numerology. Generically, I mean. He's not saying, "Look, Landru's numbers are good." He doesn't know that I'm a statistical genius. But yeah, something like one terrorist incident for every 16.5 million departures. One terrorist incident every 11.5 billion miles flown. Calm down and change your fucking panties, you warjunkie fearmongering twats. Just plain shut the fucking fuck up. (Thanks dogma-N.)

One more update: A related point of view. Poor people don't get blowed up by Islamunofascists.

1 Why yes. Yes, I did fucking tell you so.

9 comments:

Sasha said...

If you figure out a way to get them to shut the fucking fuck up I'd appreciate it if you share. Because I can't get them to shut the fucking fuck up and it is seriously pissing me off.

Also.

Instead a of nobooks, nolaptops, noblanket, notampons, notoilet, nostanding, noshiftinginyourseat policy, why don't we just ask everybody if they want to set their balls on fire. If they say "yes" don't let them get on the plane.

Why is this difficult?

whispers said...

My favorite counter-terrorism idea is "don't let the passengers know where they are!" Surely that step alone will paralyze countless terrorists.

"Now I'm supposed to blow up this bomb when we're 50 miles from Detroit. But how will I know that now that my little map with the plane is gone! I guess I'd better not blow up this plane after all."

Hate. It. All.

Landru said...

Uhm...yeah. Have a nice flight, Whispers.

Sasha said...

Because I know you want a picture of the underwear.

http://www.americablog.com/2009/12/abc-gets-photos-of-bombers-explosive.html

Purplestate said...

FTR: My dad, who smokes em when he gots em, spent a perfectly pleasant weekend in my fucking house - with my asthmatic son and hypersensitive wife - without getting so much as a look askance. Fuck the fuck off, landru.

and, FWIW, I'm totally with you on this one. Peoples, shut the fuck up.

But thanks for thinking of me. sniff. I was beginning to think you didn't care.

kthxbai!

Pepe said...

Sasha ... meh, that underwear looks pretty much like any underwear that has been bombed by one fart too many.

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