Quick DCU Hit

I have several things to say about United before I move on to another post that I wanted to do before the team shat itself at home last night. Again.

I was going to say the United stuff over at Fullback's place, because he's a good guy and he needs the traffic that commentary from someone like me brings. Hah! Okay, I was going to say it there because I wanted to focus today's post on something else. But I got bloggered in the comments over there (it's not just his place--copy your text before you try to post comments at any Bloggerblog--I failed to heed my own advice). So I'll play two.

Fullback is a good guy, he's knowledgeable and pleasant and coherent. He's a bit of an optimist for my taste, as I am probably a lot of a cynic for his. But he tolerates, and he is kind enough to reciprocate Minions' link, which is exceptionally kind because I mostly only blog about soccer when I'm pissed off. All that said, I usually agree with his analyses as far as they go, choosing only to polish them up with that special turd-like finish that is my wont.

No exception here, my only disagreement is with Fullback's "glimpses of sunshine." Last night's match against Colorado was fucking abysmal. That the team showed more effort in the second half was mostly a function of the fact that they could hardly have shown less than they did in the first. Sure, it doesn't help when your two best attackers go down early with what we hope are minor knocks (I didn't get that ACL feeling about Davies and Wolff, like I got when Brankovic was hacked to death at the Plex a few weeks ago). But seriously? Must we wait for the defense to get into position every single fucking time before we probe tentatively--and sloooooowly--to figure out the best time for our retreat? If Quaranta and Najar and Pontius aren't fast enough for us to even try to break out, why the fuck aren't we capitalizing on their value and getting in some players who can actually fucking run? And will?

No cohesion on the attack whatsoever. No speed. No brains. A fundamental willingness to dive, accompanied by a first tendency to whine, rather than doing the fucking job. Sure, it's great that Terry Fucking Vaughn gave back his abysmal error and awarded a PK for Pontius' shabby dive five minutes after he allowed the stunningly useless Joe Ngwenya (Fullback and I also agree that the sky is blue, among many other things) to be coldbloodedly murdered in the box. By Jeff Larentowicz, a violent whinging asswipe of a ginger who makes other gingers--even the otherwise unmentioned-here Ginger Ninja--look tender and mild. But Vaughn is fundamentally clueless, atypical of MLS referees only in that he not only makes bad calls and no-calls, he very often gets things precisely the opposite of the way they occurred. But that's hardly worth whining about any more, given the completely predictable nature of MLS officiating. It's going to be wrong. We just have to get the fuck over it, or walk away. Not that I will.

Four quickies:

-Fullback's right, the defense was better structured but still looked vulnerable on quick breaks, especially to Quincy Amarikwa. Good thing the Rapids sucked.

-The exception to that better structure is Perry Kitchen on the right side. Don't get me wrong; I like it. But Kitchen has no fucking idea what the fuck he's supposed to do in transitioning back, and it's going to cost the team before it pays off. Part of the problem isn't Kitchen, it's the rest of the defense, which needs to recognize that when Kitchen's up compensating for Najar's lack of size, they need to tighten the fuck up and play at least two guys deeper. And Jakovic and Kitchen should never be up at the same time, except on attacking set pieces.

-The entire team needs to stop floating high stuff. They're fucking awful in the air, and there are too many midgets on the team, one of them (Najar) being a favorite floatie target. It's just fucking stupid.

-Okay, I lied about not mentioning Ginger Ninja again. Dax McCarty sucks. He really, really sucks. He still has no business being captain of this team. Yes, he was more involved in the second half than we've seen so far. But Jeebus, he's awful, and he's a leading proponent of "whine first." He's also a lazy toucher--last night was the first time this season I've seen him pass crisply. If your captain's a lazy fuck, your team will be a pack of lazy fucks. I haven't seen so many people standing and waiting for the ball to come to them since I coached 11-year-olds who are now 40.

-Oh, I lied again. One more quickie, though BFF voiced it first: Simms is cooked. We disagree about whether Carroll would've been a better keeper (I say yes, he says Carroll's cooked too).

Finally: Fullback, I know you don't get to RFK much, but when you do, please drop by the concourse ramp behind 232 at the half if you'd care to say hi. You'll find me--the cartoon don't lie.