You Are My Minions: What the Fuck My Problem Is

Friday, December 09, 2011

What the Fuck My Problem Is

So about 15 minutes after I hit "publish" on my last post, and about 2 minutes down the road on my way to work, I realized why I'm so fucking pissy right now (in addition to yesterday's anniversary, which stretches into today for me, because I didn't hear about that thing until the morning after).

You see, it's between Thanksgiving and, say, January 5 or so. I hate everything, everything is shit, fuck you you fucking fucks, and have a lovely and peaceful motherfucking holiday season, you fucking butt-pirate leg-pissers. I am the fucking living embodiment of the motherfucking War on Christmas, bitchez, and I'm okay with that, because it's the most fuckawful time of the year and I'm not responsible for my actions, because, and I mean this quite literally, Jesus made me do it. Whatever it was.

So, y'know, fuck you. And Merry Fucking Christmas.

Heh. "Butt-pirate leg-pissers." Don't think you've seen that for the last time.

3 comments:

Jim H. said...: Word.; 4:07 PM
Randal Graves said...: You just need to find your inner drum circle, om, om, om.; 10:41 AM
Sasha said...: Dr. Maddow, the great, calls it SantaCon. Perhaps that might help define your boundaries as not being part of it.

And my word is one letter off of shit car.; 3:43 PM

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About Minions

You need to know that this is a self-indulgent vanity blog. I don't care how you got here (and you do get here by some very strange pathways); do not come here looking for deep unassailable meaning. If you knew me, you'd know better.

In case I need to spell this out for you, much of the content in this blog is either inside baseball (private public jokes between me and friends) or satirical. Much of my expression, even when talking about real-world stuff, is satirical. I have strong opinions. Here are a few:

Government exists to promote well-being.

Yes, that's a broad sweep.

Compromise is functionally necessary.

Hate is unacceptable in real life (sports excepted; if you don't like that distinction, you're not entirely wrong, and fair play to you). I elaborate on this because it's an easy word to use, and you may see me use it. I audit on this word, and I'm confident about the contexts in which I've used it here.

There is no need to compromise with hate.

Satire draws on the need to highlight that which is wrong.

The satirist should re-examine satire that sounds like hate.

That includes me.

You need to know that I sometimes use language that others find profane. While I believe that words are words and there's nothing to fear, I respect both opposing viewpoints and your right to not read this blog.

Sometimes I do write about serious things. When I do, I'm right, and you either agree with me or you're wrong. Sucks to be you, huh? Of course, if you knew me, you'd already understand this, and it would suck considerably less to be you.

You may find me incomprehensible. As a service to you, I have created the Minions glossary (updated in November 2017), to help you decipher. It's all about you, bitchez.

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This blog's email address is minionsblog (at) gmail (dot) com. I check that email very infrequently. DM on Twitter (@landruajm) will get me faster. Lots faster. The old address was hacked and no longer belongs to Landru, because Google isn't very smart (and neither is Landru).
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