Maybe I'm Just Not Objective

I've complained before about the NHL's administration of supplementary discipline. I was pretty sure I had complained, specifically, about the present uberreichsfuhrer's predecessor, who stepped down (was removed) from his post after documentably showing favoritism toward his son, who is a piece of shit, a condition that seems to apply to NHL players named Campbell (and I have erred in the past; the latter is not Colin Campbell's kid). But I digress, and Whispers and fish, I apologize for not warning you about my sudden and entirely provoked assault on a Bruins enemabag, not that those two concepts are severable.

The point, it comes: Brendan Shanahan has relentlessly doled out suspensions to Washington Capitals. I posit that this is because he hates the Capitals, though of course I recognize the likelihood that this is partisan conspiracy theory. As I pointed out in the January post, though, it's pretty objective fact that he treats similar offenses very differently. The Ovechkin/Michalek mashup was classic and damning; Michalek admitted that his offense was revenge-driven, and Ovechkin was, under the NHL's unarguably stupid rules, a redeemed repeat offender. Ovie sat down for three games, Michalek sat for two minutes (literally).

Another example was delivered yesterday. Mike Green of the Caps just completed a 3-game suspension for what was probably a pretty nasty hit on Tampa Bay winger Brett Connolly. You can watch lying cocksucker Shanahan's video on that disciplinary action. The Green hit was uncool, and probably fine-worthy. Shanahan turned it into a deliberate elbowing...of the sort for which he didn't touch Zbynek Michalek, whose elbow was considerably more apparent, more deliberate, and admittedly revenge-driven. You're a fucking pile of shit on a summer sidewalk, Brendan Shanahan.

But that's not even the point. Here's the fucking point:

That's Mark Stuart of the Winnipeg Jets, hammering Marcus Johansson's head into the boards on Friday night. Johansson's helmet came off, and he spent most of a period in the quiet room, being assessed for a concussion. Just like, say, Brett Connolly did. The hit was late--Johansson had disposed of the puck a good two seconds earlier. He was already down when Stuart hit him. This is far more blatant, and far more dangerous, than what Greenie did to Connolly a week earlier. Oh, and a ref was about six feet away, on the unseen right side of the picture; no penalty was called (that's another matter entirely--it's a fast game, but NHL refs are seriously inept and driven by factors not related to game play).

Shanahan's verdict? A $2500 fine.

So yeah, maybe I'm just not objective, and maybe someone out there would like to point out the subjectivity in my assessment of the above photograph (there's probably video of the Comcast feed; I read in a comments thread somewhere that the Jets' feed didn't show a replay, though most Jets fans who commented expressed relief and no small surprise that Stuart didn't get suspended).

I have some suggestions for you, Brendan Shanahan, and I'm moderately troubled because they're fairly similar to my suggestions for middle-aged male state legislators. But I've said before that the best hate is reserved for hockey.

You're a fucking fraud, Brendan Shanahan. I don't know if you're inept, criminal, or both, but it doesn't matter, because you're pretty much just stealing the NHL's money by accepting a salary that you don't deserve. Go the fuck away, you cheating piece of dysenteric shit. Maybe there's a job for someone as stupid and base and fundamentally dishonest as you somewhere, but it's not in administering discipline for the NHL.