My friend Sasha doesn't hate the West Virginia University quite enough. This doesn't usually cause a problem but once a year or so, and it's not a big problem. It's more of a her problem, actually, because she's the one who has to be disturbed by the foam flecking my beard, and suchlike. But it's true. She doesn't hate them the same way she hates other things she's supposed to hate with the white-hot fury of a thousand million exploding suns, like the Dallas Cowboys and Dook basketball and Karl Rove.
I attribute WVU's long run of undefeatedness against shitty football teams almost entirely to Sasha's failure to generate sufficient passion on this issue. But no more. It was a happy night last night on ESPN, and even though it's witch-titty cold and the wind is blowing like snot and Ilse and I have to leave the house and do things, rather than bunkering down, slamming the kids with chloral hydrate, and fucking like bunnies (for the six to eight seconds I can keep up that kind of pace), a warm glow suffuses my heart, because those goddam motherfucking cocksucking dirt-stupid pansyass-schedule-playing Hillbillies got pantsed last night on national television.
So, uhm, take that, Sasha.
It is almost a glorious time in the BCS; one of the top two teams will lose, because they're playing each other in a few weeks. This will leave an opening for an undefeated subpar Big East football allegory to go undefeated and challenge conventional notions about who belongs in national championship games. Louisville and Rutgers are precisely such allegories, and they play next week. The ubiquitous Doctor Death is, of course, a Rutgers alum, and seems to think that the BCS will recognize Rutgers if it goes undefeated.
To that, Ilse and I say the same thing we said last night, when the ESPN stooges were questioning the Rutgers coach at halftime of the Hillbillies-Villebillies game:
Dood. Get a life. You're fucking Rutgers.
That harsh reality aside, I'll cheerfully pull for Rutgers in its uphill struggle, partly because two of their remaining games are against the Hillbillies and the Villebillies. And because I wholeheartedly agree that conventional notions should be challenged (unless they're perfectly sensible conventional notions like disliking Republicans and hating the West Virginia University).
Of course, either way, an undefeated crap-ass Big East team means but one thing: another fucking championship for the Fuckeyes or the Dullverines, and that? Is not a classically Martha Stewart good thing. But Go Rutgers anyway.
6 days ago