Thursday, January 11, 2007

Let Me Get This Straight

Shitting the bed isn't working. So we're going to take half a bottle of Ex-Lax, tie ourselves to the bed, and increase the volume? Riiiiiight.

Quagmire: Great name for a Family Guy character. Lousy concept for nation-building. Which, uhm, we don't do. Except when we do.

Note to morons: No, I didn't just equate U.S. troops to feces. Just, y'know, as a prophylactic against your most likely response to metaphor. Now shut up and go join the military, and don't pretend for a second that the left--which doesn't support the war and doesn't agree that terrorism merits a military response--is susceptible to your lame-ass attempts to turn back the chickenhawk argument. Enjoy your shit bath.

In other news, shitting the bed isn't working so well for the Terrapins, either. It is really difficult to despise the team that is your team. Unconscionably difficult, in fact. It's sad, but this team is doomed until the last player who ever met John Gilchrist skies out of College Park. This year's senior class is haunted by that ghost (and its progeny). Make like Chrissy Mac, MJ. Blow your knee again, DJ. Take your elbows to Italy, Ekene. And you, Shaggy? Just slump over, and try not to damage the floor when you hit it. Assuming you're capable of hitting the floor by simply falling down. Video evidence is inconclusive.

There are them what don't believe me, but I say this to you now: two more NCAA tournaments will occur before the Maryland Terrapins grace the Big Dance again.

And remember: the Wii is just cute as a button. Just touch it anywhere and you'll have Fun!

Vroom! Vroom!

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