Things That Happen To Me

So no, I'm not so much better. I mean, I'm not in constant agony. But if I eat anything less bland than buttered macaroni, I feel it. I really, really feel it. So Mister Doctor ENT Surgery Guy can lick my sac. Except, he can't, because he'll probably find some reason to put third-degree burns on it. And, of course, I'm not really interested in guys licking my sac.

Be all that as it may, and it is, I've continued my duties as Chief Demimicroregional Bandit at a little organization I like to call Banditry R Us, and today those duties took me, along with one of my few personality-deprived drones, to a gathering of librarinas. You may question my spelling. If you did, you wouldn't be Sasha or bDr, both of whom have had librarinas up their respective wazoos for years, but there's only about a 2 in 3 chance that you're them anyway.

Two things were notable about my visit to the gathering of librarinas. One is that some fucking twit of a librarina brought her fucking nursing infant to the gathering. This is a large, annual-meeting type gathering, say 300 people, with serious speakers and shit. And this moron brought her baby. Her screaming baby. If I had been any closer than three tables away, I'd have hurled the little fucker (both of them, come to think on it) out into New Hampshire Avenue.

Don't get me wrong. I support mothers working and bringing their nursing infants to work. There should be lactation rooms in the workplace, and they should be sacrosanct. Mothers with nursing infants should have offices, with doors that close and keep smells and sounds safely sealed inside. But bringing your screaming, unhappy, apparently ravenous little monkey to a professional meeting? Bite me. Except don't, because I'm not really interested in stupid people touching me with their mouths.

The other thing of note is the desperation with which the librarinas clung to the topic of the conference, which was on the potential applicability of social networking sites to librarina-ing. See, I went because the...well, let's be honest, I went because I wanted the librarina portion of my burgeoning empire to feel loved and respected. But I chose this as a venue for that show of support for librarinas because I thought we were going to talk about the applicability of networking sites in business.

What I got was a day of whining about how much fun everyone has on Facebook and why librarinas should embrace networking and how stodgy the librarina-ing bidness is and, in one instance, how Web 2.0 is dead and is already Web 3.0. Which it isn't.

Excuse me, I have to go burn the back of my throat with my own stomach acids now.