What? She won? She won? But...but...the forces of scaring asshats about race riots won in Iowa! She can't win! She's...she's awful, and fakey, and she cried, dammit, she cried! She's weak and vulnerable and she was faking it and her husband got blowjobs and she's a lesbian who makes men suck her cock and that dark Arab fellow and that hair guy are just so nice! And she'll appoint Communist right-wingers to the Court!
Recount. I want a recount. That bitch.
Seriously, people, what the fuck is your problem? Can we please understand now that leaping to conclusions on the basis of single events is a purely Republican concept? Can we understand now that process has a purpose? Can we look at the fucking scoreboard?
Let's see...delegate counts for New Hampshire...hello, what's this? Obama 12, Clinton 11? But...but...she won! That's got to be important!
Hmm, anything of interest going on in the world? Gunboats, travelling cattlehats, bombing arrests in Spain--hey, look, "terror" means "crime," not "war"--Kenya in flames, ...aw, shit, you fuckwits have even got BBC talking about somebody "winning" in New Hampshire.
Jesus, the wankery makes me tired. Fine. Go give Nevada its turn to be special. Don't expect me to be any less cranky about this until...oh, fuck, just don't expect me to be any less cranky about this until I figure out which of these three shitbirds I have to vote for in the fall. I am comforted only in that regardless, it won't make me retch as violently as I had to three (yes, three! Can we please stop making this a pointless four-year-long slowfuck with a weak orgasm?) years ago.
Special Pre-emptive Reminder: I wouldn't vote for Hilary Clinton in a primary if I knew, scientifically and for certain, that it would prevent my dick from falling off. Thank you.