What I Do Best

Not that I'll do it well here. But semen on a cracker, bDr, what the fuck do you want? You get to pull up into the frightening security of that mildewed old VW advert three times on a beautiful Saturday night, in the company of the lovely women who people your household, and you want to pummel the scrubs for it? What's good enough for you, mofo? Didn't you get enough vinegar on your kashi this morning, you cranky old fart?

What are Craig Thompson and Joe Vide doing to you, other than helping to keep our club from the cellar as it swings between manic competence and depressive thrashings by NYRB? You can’t have Benny out on the right just now. You just can’t. Getthefuckover it. And all the high-priced trollops have vaginal tearing. Getthefuckover it. Louis Crayton has two shutouts and you gotta remind that he was a second-stringer in Switzerland? Maybe he had the ghost of Mary Shelley's Oliver Kahn in front of him, huh? Maybe? "He's not Peter Cech." Bloody good thing, too, innit? You want a freak whose mommy puts a helmet on him for chess tournaments out in front of your goal?

I was in New York the other weekend (yes, attribute our spanking at the hands of Red Scum to me--I was there, and being serenaded by Scum fans, who were kind enough not to actually stomp me to death). I actually saw Andy Rooney shuffling down the sidewalk and into the restaurant at which I was about to dine. I do not need to see him writing your fucking blog, dood.

DCU is a mood swing of a team this season, and that's frustrating, especially when the downswings come hard and rhythmically against evils like the Red Scum and the Revs. But get a grip. Six points back with nine to play--including home games against two of the teams in front of us, and a road game against a yellow football team, and games against teams fraught with pathos and despair, and a race for the Shield, and a race for the playoffs, and a home USOC final against a USL team, and two games against Saprissa? This is dinner. This is what we came for .

So you go piss in your kashi if that's what thrills you, my old friend. Look back on the dark days of April and May and remember what this season could have been like, and the thing's way more rosy. This season is what Tradition is about, mofo.

* I got one complaint. It'd be nice if, on a night when I can't get to Estadio RFK, Comcast would show me something other than the Redskins getting their asses handed to them in a meaningless preseason wank. Shit, I'd have been happy with getting the game in Spanish on WMDO. Bite me, Comcast.