Sunday, March 08, 2009

Sidney Crosby Is A Pussy

It's a gorgeous weekend here in My Local Locality, and tonight will be our third consecutive evening of tossing some meat on the grill for dinner, and we're very happy about all that. But despite Whispers' barely veiled ode to spring homosex and the imminence of footy, there's winter business still, and the Caps play the Pens today at 3 PM Eastern, if you can figure out when that is, what with the vicissitudes of the clock this weekend.

Which should return to our minds the preeminent fact about hockey: that Sidney Crosby is a pussy. This is not a personal failing I'm all that harsh on, in real life.* A whole lot of people can go through life as pussies, and barely, if ever, draw my ire.** They are not hockey players. Sidney Crosby, Giant Public Pussy, is a hockey player, and hockey players aren't supposed to be pussies. I myself? Am capable of the occasional high vagina sprain. I myself? Do not get paid millions of dollars to chase other people around ice at high speed, with sticks.

Sidney wants your respect. I left a few ounces of respect for you in my turlet a few minutes ago, Sid. Pussy. Go Caps.

*Yes, I'm lying.
** This is very nearly true.

6 comments:

E7 said...

I'll be there, in front of Ted and near Ovie's mom.
I'll say hi to Cindy for you. Apparently, there will be some ladies passing out pacifiers before the game for when he starts whining.

GrizzlyPlaytoy4Rent said...

Here's an existential question for you, El Jefe:
If Tony Romo or Gregg Allman were hockey players, would they be even bigger pussies than Crosby?
P.S. Thanks for a posting even I can comprehend. I had begun to question what I thought was a decent grasp of the English language.

E7 said...

A few too many Penguin Scum fans here if you ask me...
Cindy is a punk, though.

E7 said...

And I gots some healthy Malkin hate going on, too.

Buffalo said...

Evegni Malkin I don't like. I respect him as a hockey player, he is not a pussy, and I REALLY don't like him, mostly because he plays for Pittsburgh. I would love to have him on my own team.

Sidney Crosby has been told for SO long that he is the savior of professional hockey that he believes his own hype, and as a consequence of this believes that everyone in professional hockey should bow down and floss their teeth with his mono filament sized penis. Sidney Crosby is a whiny, self-absorbed, petulant child. Until he realizes how to play hard and accept the responsibilities of wearing the C, he will always act out like a petulant child and his act is getting old to most of the NHL who aren't blowhard Canada-philes.

GWoodring said...

Wow, I thought the post was great until I read Buffalo's comment. Hilarious! Crosby really is a gigantic gaping vagina that gets pandered to. Would he qualify for the biggest douche in the universe award?

I believe so. I believe so.