Sunday, August 15, 2010


I had a lot to say about last night's DCU game, but when it comes to it I don't have the energy. Goff's story is abject bullshit. He may think he's being objective; he's being a fucking tool. The team did not, in fact, look good or dominating or anything else positive last night. Both teams started the game hacking, fouling, diving, whinging, and corrupting, and never stopped. It was clearly the Burn's strategy from go, and DCU clearly reacted to it immediately, as the Burn must've known the worst team in the league would do. I have no idea what other people were watching; there's no reason for any kind words here.

One particularly stenchful Goff passage is illustrative:

Two minutes later, Alexander, in his second career league start, threaded a lovely through ball to Brek Shea, who had blazed past right back Devon McTavish. With Ferreira outpacing Carey Talley into the heart of the penalty area and goalkeeper Bill Hamid committed to the near side, Shea crossed to Ferreira for an easy finish. Deflated by the goal against the run of play, United lacked the resiliency to regain its rhythm.
Here's what Goff doesn't tell you in his hack: about 90 seconds earlier, Dallas broke free on exactly the same play. They failed to score because Santino Quaranta--hailed as a hero by many in the commenting community, though I'm not sure why--grabbed the ball carrier's (I think it was Ferreira) jersey, dragging him back to prevent the 2-on-1 breakaway. It was a straight red-card professional foul that very clearly and very obviously prevented a goal. Abbey Okulaja ignored it (bless him). I mean, he didn't even wave at it. Karma prevailed, and Shea (who will, as a USMNT member, make me want to shower in bleach) and Ferreira completed the same play for a goal on the Burn's next trip down the field, with McTavish left dangling in the middle by sage traffic cone Carey Talley, ambitiously filthy Julius James, and folk hero Marc Burch.

What happened two minutes earlier? Glad you asked:

United continued to dictate terms of the match. Allsopp was sent in alone in the 34th minute, but the charging Hartman deflected the low shot narrowly wide of the left post.
Uhm...bullshit. Allsop gacked a poorly placed shot. Hartman made a very fine stop, to be sure; Allsop missed the only shot he knows how to score (or at least, the only shot he's managed to score this season). Allsop has to take more than 1/11th of the heat for last night's loss. He has no business being up front for this club.

There's some sentiment out there (see the comments in the Insider item--tellingly, Goff's only Insider item on this disaster so far) that for 30 minutes the team played acceptably well, excepting goal-scoring. That's utter crap.

For once, nothing bad to say about fat, slow, and inept Abbey Okulaja, except that he could've controlled the game better; for once, his incompetence worked in our favor. Talley, Burch, and Quaranta all could've seen red (Quaranta twice, though the second time won my amusement and the crowd's delight, as he hipchecked sleazy Burn fuckface Atiba Harris into oblivion in retaliation for Harris' playacted pwn3ng of child prodigy Andy Najar).

I'm formulating a theory about Benny, and the front office. I'm in a different direction than BFF, who abandons here all pretense of a despair-free weekend; he includes Chang in his rant. I'm not so sure about that bit. Chang strikes me as a guy with a hands-off management style. He's not local, and he's a little removed from the culture, though he's been seen to immerse in it from time to time. I can't get my theory past the kernel stage. Maybe more on this later, maybe I won't care.

But I'm with BFF on this: I don't understand Benny's behavior with respect to Jaime Moreno last night. After this week's announcement of his impending departure from the team, Moreno should've been in the game last night. He should've started, and worn the armband, and barring that, he absolutely should've been substituted into a losing effort. Seriously, Benny? Adam Cristman? Are you really that inept?

Last night's lineup suggests that Benny might be that inept. Other evidence, like every word Kevin Payne has ever uttered, suggests that Benny might have been under some kind of instruction to take a dump on Jaime's chest, though I can't imagine why (I can't even find the edge of Occam's Razor here, but I feel like it's so close I could cut myself). BFF asks if Benny's an asshole, or a coward. It's hard for me to get around that formulation to find another option. Fullback puts the evidence far more concisely than I can:

This is a pathetic excuse for a team, and an even more pathetic excuse for a front office. Folks ought to be falling on their swords left and right, but are they? Nope. They're tossing players under the bus, throwing up a Benny-shaped shield, kicking a club legend in the teeth, and pretty much pissing all over the trophy case while prattling on about "tradition" and "fighting for the shirt."
Honestly? I can't improve on that. I remain committed to the notion that Onalfo had to go (and more importantly, that he shouldn't have been hired). I'm fine and dandy with Benny as a caretaker, as long as it doesn't wreck his coaching career. He's certainly one of the best soldiers evar for diving into this cesspit. But it'll be real painful to talk about tradition--a notion we do, in fact, hold dear--with a conniving, greasy liar like Kevin Payne involved in the show.


Sasha said...

Insider item = bad link

Landru said...

Fixed, thanks.