You Are My Minions: Kidney Stones in the Tract of Excellence

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Kidney Stones in the Tract of Excellence

I'm really bored. I'm in the far-away place, again, though at least I spend tomorrow coming home for one day off (during a week I invariably spend out of the office, ideally with Ilse and Bam-Bam, while Databoy hies off for his traditional school-break week of worship by his grandparents, Joseph and Mary). I'm watching the first Tuesday Night Football game ever, because it's there (Thesis: Cris Collinsworth is a transvestite. Discuss non-pejoratively¹ amongst yourselves.). And because Sasha is one good Michael Vick rip away from dealing me my second fantasy football title game loss of the season (gratz to Dr. Death for saving his one FF victory in six tries this season for a title game).

Thanks also to Purple for the awesome Webcam cock video. Okay, it was actually an awesome Hooded Negro imitation. It's the little things that make life worth living even in the face of the drone of I-75 300 yards from my hotel room window.

Also: Christmas was very very good to me. Thanks to Ilse for the exceptional shirt and the dirty video games.

¹ Tscha, right.

1 comment:

Whispers said...: You didn't think Brady would beat me, did you? Not when the team is called Belichick's Hoodies! He was a mole!!!; 2:03 AM

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About Minions

You need to know that this is a self-indulgent vanity blog. I don't care how you got here (and you do get here by some very strange pathways); do not come here looking for deep unassailable meaning. If you knew me, you'd know better.

In case I need to spell this out for you, much of the content in this blog is either inside baseball (private public jokes between me and friends) or satirical. Much of my expression, even when talking about real-world stuff, is satirical. I have strong opinions. Here are a few:

Government exists to promote well-being.

Yes, that's a broad sweep.

Compromise is functionally necessary.

Hate is unacceptable in real life (sports excepted; if you don't like that distinction, you're not entirely wrong, and fair play to you). I elaborate on this because it's an easy word to use, and you may see me use it. I audit on this word, and I'm confident about the contexts in which I've used it here.

There is no need to compromise with hate.

Satire draws on the need to highlight that which is wrong.

The satirist should re-examine satire that sounds like hate.

That includes me.

You need to know that I sometimes use language that others find profane. While I believe that words are words and there's nothing to fear, I respect both opposing viewpoints and your right to not read this blog.

Sometimes I do write about serious things. When I do, I'm right, and you either agree with me or you're wrong. Sucks to be you, huh? Of course, if you knew me, you'd already understand this, and it would suck considerably less to be you.

You may find me incomprehensible. As a service to you, I have created the Minions glossary (updated in November 2017), to help you decipher. It's all about you, bitchez.

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