Wow. The Onion SportsDome looks awesome. I mean, really, Colbert and Stewie are getting a little tired. Let's have some fun with Jay Cutler.
* I know the song is just Michael Stipe reading the liner notes from a Revellaires album, but it really takes on a special significance when it's blasting from the stereo while I zip down a rural interstate in the most Jesusy state in the Union.
Some people (for instance) likely doubt the cultural significance of Michael Stipe getting oiled up, heading down to the studio, and forgetting to conceal that he has a massively chronic Southron accent (my guess is that the cited friend thinks I could've cut off that sentence after the word "Stipe").
Not me. We had a brief discussion over there about some asshat band called Vampire Weekend, which is, it appears, responsible for an unspeakably annoying series of commercials this season for a company once best known for making engines for the planes that attacked Pearl Harbor**. Until today, all I knew is that this song was selling cars, and that it sucked. Now, thanks to BFF, my life has new focus. I am going to start a camp for overprivileged children who think that this is music.
"But wait," you cry, "Didn't your elders think that your generation's music was despicably horrid?"
Yes. They did. They were wrong. My elders suffered through Eisenhower in their formative years and thought it was normal. My elders were morons. This generation's elders were born from 1946-1962 and rule the world. Get the fuck over it.
**This is a lie. The part about aircraft engines, I mean. It's important to grasp the historical concept that the victors*** write the history.
***Yes. That's exactly what I mean. Suck on it, Gen WTFEver..