Another disappointing draw, 2-2 at home against Houston. Dax started, still unwilling to fucking attack--even Ilse, who barely understands tactics, noticed that he only passes sideways or back. Then, after getting up 2-1, the team tried to close up shop with 15 minutes left, and failed, ignominiously. Stop putting balls up in the air for short guys. Stop backpassing into possession changes. Stop fucking backing out of fucking attacking. Stop holding up counterattacks to let the other side's defense set. Get the fucking ball forward and create chances. Stop fucking playing Dax Fucking Ginger Midget Pussytouch McCarty. When I'm begging for fucking Fred to come in for Dax and jump for joy when it happens, there's a fucking problem.
Nice stuff: Pontius shoots without hesitating for once. Score!
Perfectly average stuff: small crowd, shite referee, though one previously unknown to me. MLS referees are just fucking terrible. People bitch about referee bitching, but games are going out of control and people are getting hurt because of this shit. I could bitch about Ching's egregious dive for a penalty, but I'll settle for saying that he damn well better get the same fucking fine as Davies got (Davies deserved worse). And let's face it, diving like a fucking pussy is about all Brian Ching's got left.
USMNT Liveblogging (except I'll publish at the end, because no one's looking here for live coverage):
After a sprint home from RFK, we are settled in for the Gold Cup Final. Doom and gloom. Cheesed, I tell you.
Pregame: This is for all the marbles, the Confederation Cup berth, our entire national pride and identity. Fuck Mexico. 1846, bitchez. Rose Bowl full of Mexicans.
Wait a minute. Freddy Fucking Adu in the middle? Landycakes up top? Dempsey on the wing? What the fucking fuck? I mean, I knew Freddy would start after the last game (a fellow denizen of 232 swears the ball that became a goal was an accident, but I'm not so sure), but Tex and Landycakes should be switched.
The good news is that this results in a debate about who's shorter, Cakes or Dax? Loathe though I am to say anything positive about Landycakes, he's definitely taller. Lots taller. Not a fucking ginger, either.
2': Why are all these Mexicans in my box?
4': Mexico is fast.
7': Nice sequence with Freddy Adu and Chunderolo in the right corner buys a corner.
8': Holy Fuck! We scored on the fucking corner! Holy fucking fuck me! Cancer Boy Michael Bradley, no less. Holy fucking fuck me!
10': Holy fuck. I am still saying "Holy Fuck."
10': Nasty scramble in the box. Finally cleared for real.
11': Bornstein in for Chunderolo, who appears both injured and pissed to be subbed. Tough luck, you slow old piece of shite.
12': Lichaj shifts right, Bornstein goes left. Announcers babbling about Lichaj's discomfort, but I'm pretty sure Fullback told me that Lichaj is a natural right.
15': Mexico is threatening. USMNT needs to get its defensive shit together. Too many black shirts swarming.
16': Announcers catch up, with the mongoloid Kyle Martino noting that USMNT needs more possession.
16': Aaaaaagggghhhh! Giovani Dos Santos is a scary motherfucker. Breakout barely controlled, corner for El Tri.
19': Dempsey dispossessed and knocked down from behind with a heel tap; no call. Salvadoran referee, by the way, so I'm not exactly concerned about bias here.
20': Jesus, we're having to run way too much here. Mexico is working a very pacey game here (fuck you, Ilse and Whispers).
22': German Jones goes down. I'd really, really like to care.
23': Adu goes down near the end line after some dribbling possession, no call...but HOLY FUCK, LANDYCAKES GOAL, USMNT UP 2-0!!!! HOLY FUCKING FUCK ME!!!! Got the ball back after dispossession, Adu to Donovan, breakthrough at the 18, got behind Talavera, empty net. Holy fucking fuck.
24': Holy fuck. This cannot fucking be happening. Holy fuck.
25': Lots of quiet Mexicans in the Rose Bowl.
26': Adu gets free for another shot. Freddy is actually playing well here. Shades of his old willingness to dribble too much and get dispossessed, but still, working hard and noticeably trying to be a sharebear.
28': Damn, the crowd has really quieted a lot. I think we're outnumbered there.
28': Torres for Salcido. Mexico scores on a total defensive breakdown off of the substitution. 2-1. On replay, Bornstein's the goat. Big-time.
30': Wow, that was deflating. Both teams slowed down, but we're struggling to possess.
31': Guardado fires right at Timmy Tourettes. Fox notes that the goal was the first Timmy's conceded in 349 minutes of soccer. I think that's just because we weren't playing fucking Mexico.
33': Donovan booked on a near-total dive. Referee's full of shit, very little contact, no aggression, Cakes played the ball, the Mexican dived and bought the card. Cocksucker. Note please that I recognized and chastised this behavior in German Jones last week.
35': Slow buildup. Bedoya ends it by running over a Mexican--way worse foul that what Donovan didn't actually do.
36': Another defensive fail after a nice break down the wing by Gio Dos Santos. Close to an own goal by Timmy Tourettes; goal should be credited to Guardado, Lichaj should've cleared before it got to Timmy. All square.
38': Freddy Adu is laying on the ground writhing and moaning. Oh, he got kicked in the head. Owie.
40': Freddy's running around fine now. Bradley takes a blast from about 21 yards, but goes high.
41': Marquez is hurting...taking off the armband, he's going bye-bye.
42': Fox talking heads point out that Red Bull is leaking goals because Marquez is with El Tri and Tim Ream with USMNT. My heart breaks. Not.
43': Reynoso for Marquez.
44': Marquez has a hammy. Gosh, that's unfortunate. On at least two levels. Uhm...not.
45': Dos Santos breaks through again. Fortunately...he misses wide.
47': I'm not sure if Bradley's stupid, the center backs are trying to work the trap, or both, but Mexico is getting way too much traction with springing people over the top.
Halftime: Holy fuck. This is not the half I expected, and anybody who says it was the half they expected is a fucking liar.
47': German Jones coughs up the ball, and a foul that isn't called, and the ball's loose in the box, and...holy shit, Timmy comes up with a lucky clearance.
48': Someone really should have watched some film to see how other teams have dealt with Gio Dos Santos. Because, uhm, he really hasn't caused other people this much trouble.
50': Another total fucking breakdown, Boca fails to clear, then lets Barrera get off a fucking shot. The run of play is now totally Mexico's way.
51': US corner should've begot another corner...no love.
53': Dos Santos loose on the wing, again. Fortunately, it fizzles.
55': Talavera down in the box, writhing. Up quick enough.
56': US not getting through at all here. Dempsey and Donovan have flopped again, with Dempsey up top. Sadly, Kyle Martino agrees with me that this is good. Now I feel stupid.
58': Hey, look, it's German Jones. I wonder if he's been on the field all this time. Useless fucker. Wow, the Mexicans are just beating the shit out of Freddy Adu.
59': Freddy takes the kick, and it's nice, but Talavera snags it.
60': Dempsey crossbar. Ouch. This followed, by several touches, Jonathan Bornstein doing something useful, which I thought was sorta unusual.
62': Guardado writhes around pointing to a spike mark left by Bedoya. Fuck off, Guardado.
63': Jesus, Dos Santos loose in the box again. Cleared by German Jones. Oh look, he's on the field.
63': Agudelo for Bedoya. I think that drops Dempsey back again.
67': We're letting them fuck around with the ball without closing them down. Way too fucking much.
69': Dos Santos clips Bocanegra. Chestiness ensues.
70': Goodson gets a head on Donovan's free kick, but no love.
72': After German Jones holds off a defender for an interminable sequence of ball-holding in the filthiest possible way and gets it clear, US gives it up easily.
73': Jones foul, more chestiness. This is getting way too chippy. We're going down.
74': Bradley long ball to Adu, who can't control it. We need more controlled possession here, this is crap.
74': Sure, some nice control, but then Agudelo fucks it up and loses possession. Mexican sub impending.
75': Mexico sub, Zavala for Barrera, who gets a roaring ovation.
76': Yet another total breakdown after another asshole possession choke on the back line. Howard comes out, gets trapped, Dos Santos bags it in the postage stamp with Lichaj on the line trying to head clear. Toast.
78': Y'know, if starting off 2-0 and losing 2-4 isn't the best argument in the world for firing fucking Skeletor, I don't know what is. And, as Whispers is pointing out loudly, Fox Soccer is up its own ass--Chunderolo going out is not, in any way, the reason we're getting our asses kicked here. Sure, the back line is used to playing with him in the game, but what they're used to is covering for his lame ass.
80': Ohhhhh. Talavera punches clear, fouls the shit out of Dempsey, ends up on the ground, and Bradley misses a wide open net from 22 yards. Talaveras and Dempsey exchange not-very-nice words.
81': I'd like to blame this on the Mexicans being fucking filthy--they are--but that's just not it. Someone booked--Torresilo, maybe.
82': Bradley blocked from the 18.
83': US corner. Fail.
84': Dempsey skies one out of frustration. Toast toast toastie toast toast.
84': Jesus, another Mexico break, shot wide. This is fucking embarrassing.
85': We should be getting a throw-in here, but apparently falling down in front of Agudelo is a foul on Agudelo.
86': Oh, fuck, Sascha Klestjan is coming in, probably for Adu. Why not just walk off the fucking field for the last 5 minutes? I mean, Freddy's cooked, but seriously? Sascha Klestjan is the fucking embodiment of why we suck, and why Bradley should be fired.
87': Sure, Sascha, make me the dick. Nice ball into the middle, but Goodson just misses. Dempsey booked, not sure why, probably mouth.
88': Bornstein gives up a corner to Dos Santos.
90': We're just killing time here. Give me a mercy whistle.
91': Whispers suggest that Fox mention Chunderolo again.
92': Klestjan comes in studs-up, from behind, on someone in Mexico's box. He's lucky not to be effing executed for it.
93': We're done. Fire Bradley.
Honestly: gratz to the fucking Mexicans. Coming back from 2-0? Even against a bad US team? Nicely played. Assholes.
We got cheesed. Fire Bradley.
(Cheesed: Credit to Terry Pratchett. It's like getting creamed, but it takes a lot longer.)
A Creel of Eels
1 day ago