Things That Make You Say "What the Fuck?" and Then Decide You Just Dropped Some Really Outstanding Acid Because It's Not April Fools Day But Nothing That Good Has Ever Happened To You Even Though You've Ticked "Threesome With Nubile Twin Japanese Girls" and "My Lunch With Jesus" Off Of Your Bucket List and WHOA, This Shit Is Fucking INTENSE, Dood

This is the second thing I found out a little while ago: DC United gave San Jose some money for Brandon McDonald, which is about the right transaction, and I'll pay green American money transactionally to see the mother and child reunion between Brandon and his bestus friend Jaime Moreno, who remains a DCU employee. What reunion, you ask? You telling me you don't remember that we're talking about that Brandon McDonald? Heh.

But it pales, does the upcoming hug between Brandon and Jaime, it pales like a pasty little midget ginger daywalking pussy, which is a remarkable coincidence, because we just traded one of those for Dwayne Fucking DeRosario! That's MLS fucking legend Dwayne Fucking DeRosario to you, bitchez. This is...I can barely type this, I must really be tripping balls here, because we cannot possibly have convinced a pretty fucking sharp New York Redscum management circle to take a fucking inept ginger midget for Dwayne Fucking DeRosario.

I don't care that DeRo is 33 fucking years old. I don't care if Erik Soler broke DeRo's legs with a fucking hammer before he completed the trade (and as much as I loathe the Redscum, there is a tiny spot of warmth in my heart for Soler for eating a $10K fine to bitch in public about the heinous and craptastically unwarranted red card shown to Thierry Henry the other week). I don't care if DeRo needs a walker to trot out in the starting lineup on Saturday night. He'll still be fucking better than Dax Fucking Ginger Midget Pussy McCarty.

So, uhm, y'all have a nice night, and I'm gonna go wave my hand in front of my face and watch the pretty trails and check out the freaky patterns in my dining room drywall because I must be fucking tripping balls like it's fucking 1979, dood.