Meet This Week's Game, Same As Last Week's Game

Y'know, if DCU isn't really going to be original, why should I?

Another disappointing draw, 2-2 at home against Houston Phunions¹. Dax started, still unwilling to fucking attack is gone Daddy gone, and Dwayne DeRosario may end up being the savior of our attack--even Ilse, who barely understands tactics, noticed that he only passes sideways or back DeRosario is a significant difference in the attack, though Seat Five can't bring himself to show any sort of hope because it's uncool or something. Then, after getting up 2-1, the team tried to close up shop with 15 32 fucking minutes left, and failed, ignominiously. Stop putting balls up in the air for short guys. Stop backpassing into possession changes. Stop fucking backing out of fucking attacking. Stop holding up counterattacks to let the other side's defense set. Get the fucking ball forward and create chances. Stop fucking playing Dax Fucking Ginger Midget Pussytouch McCarty. When I'm begging for fucking Fred to come in for Dax and jump for joy when it happens stop fucking dribbling or touching into possession changes, there's a fucking problem. absolutely no change from anything I've seen in the three long fucking years since we've seen a fucking playoff game.

Nice stuff: Pontius DeRosario shoots without hesitating for once regularly. His move to assist Josh Wolff was awesome, something we'd never have seen with anyone else in the other center midfield slot. Score!

Perfectly average stuff: small crowd, shite referee, though one previously unknown to me. Abbey Okulaja's shit smells about the same as most MLS referees and it evened out, with no loss of life are just fucking terrible. People bitch about referee bitching, but games are going out of control and people are getting hurt because of this shit. I could bitch about Ching's egregious dive for a penalty, but I'll settle for saying that he damn well better get the same fucking fine as Davies got (Davies deserved worse). And l Let's face it, diving like a fucking pussy is about all Brian Ching's Carlos Ruiz and Sebastian Fucking LeToux² have got left.

¹"Phunions" is an unregistered trademark of Himself, who spent the evening not shutting up about the fucking red kit, instead of rejoicing in the brief glimmer of attacking hope that presented itself before Kitchen OG'd, the team unsurprisingly failed to close up shop for 30 minutes, and Carlos Fucking Ruiz banged the equalizer in the 84th minute. By the way, I forgot to collect the fiver you gratuitously horked up for no reason other than...what, alms? Sacrifice? Tithing to the Church of Eternal Fucking Hipster Cynicism? Whatever. I'll leave one letter off the name of your bright red birthday present. Or maybe I'll insert parentheses instead--it'll read "(F)Red".

^{2 From the linked post, for Skippy, if he's reading, which he almost certainly is not:}

There's really not a lot to be said about yesterday's game, in which our boys got pwn3d by Sebastien Fucking Le Toux. I mean, really, what else can you fucking say other than a few feeble parries? We got fucking pwn3d by fucking Sebastien Fucking Le Toux and...? We got fucking pwned by fucking Sebastien Fucking Le Toux but...? We got fucking pwn3d by fucking Sebastien Fucking Le Toux even though Saint Piotr Nowak was in the press box mourning a plane crash perpetrated by Vlad the Impaler Putin? Do we go W.C. Fields? We got fucking pwn3d by Sebastien Fucking Le Toux and all in all, I'd rather be in Philadelphia? Oh. Here's how appalling it is that we got fucking pwn3d by Sebastien Fucking Le Toux: it's about as likely as getting fucking pwn3d, on a fucking futbol field, by fucking Landru. That's how fucking bad it fucking is to get fucking pwn3d, on any fucking futbol field in America by fucking Sebastien Fucking Le Toux, career hoser and all-around player of no particular fucking accomplishment whatsoever. Fucking Seattle left him fucking unprotected. Jeebus.