No Dancing in Church

Democrats' unbridled glee over the indictment of the Bughammer, Tom DeLay, is slightly misplaced, and not just for the obvious reason that DeLay makes a great villain, a foe so cartoonishly evil that he's easy to score on. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of strength to that argument.

But the real problem is more serious; there's no way this guy's going to get convicted, not even in Travis County, the most Commie bastion in the republic of Texas. Regardless of prosecutor Ronnie Earle's politics and their effect, if any, on his motivation in bringing indictment, it's an accepted article that any district attorney can get a grand jury to indict a toaster. Every district attorney in the country is a clever bastard, at least at the Wile E. Coyote standard; the fact of the indictment barely produces enough smoke to give us probable cause to suspect fire.

Again, don't get me wrong; DeLay's very existence is smoky and fiery. He's a pig, a criminal, a bully, and a fascist theocrat. I'm just saying that indictment does not equal conviction, and we are, after all, discussing a state indictment in Texas, where justice sometimes moves in mysterious ways. While few things would make me happier than Tom DeLay getting assfucked in a Texas state prison, I'm not taking it for granted until I hear his squeals.

The victimized squeals he's making now don't count. That's just the sound of political desperation. But the tone and content won't let up if the man oozes out of a conviction. They won't change, either, except to sound even more martyred--and believeably so, if the fucker skates, at least to the sorts of congenital idiots who would elect a Tom DeLay to national office.

I'm thinking that by September 29, 2006, the Majority Leader of the House of Representatives will once again be none other than the Bughammer, Tom DeLay.