Monday, August 07, 2006

Why I Don't Bother With The News

I was listening to My Local News Junkie radio station this morning on the way in to my office in My Local Big City. In between the traffic reports (on the 8s) telling me about My Local Subway's difficulties in operating this morning because a few raindrops fell last night, and about the resultant dearth of traffic in some spots where there's supposed to be traffic and the googleplex of traffic in spots where there ain't, and telling me about how it rained last night (I thought the crash of thunder and the raindrops pounding down on the skylights in the master bath were pretty telling, my ownself), a few attempts at stories were mixed in.

Maybe it was just the point in the hour for stupid stories, although there was a brief story telling me about how Hezbollah and the Israelis were busy pounding the shit out of each other--whoa! News flash!

But I got five stories in a row that essentially asked the question, "Is there a link between x and y?" where x and y were apparently pretty random--x=sex, y=music (duh!), x=magnets, y=the amount of tannic acid in a bottle of wine (whuh?), that sort of thing. Each of these stories used the word "link" and included the phrase "some people believe."

Eat me, newsies. One study does not a conclusion make. "Some people believe" that they can eat through their asses and poop out their mouths. That doesn't fucking make them newsworthy. The fact that they're not locked up in the nuthatch may, on the other hand, be newsworthy.

In a related development, I have this cool little gizmo for my Ipod that transmits the Ipod signal to an unused frequency on my FM radio. After two traffic reports and numerous tales of the implied causal link between paper clips and teen pregnancy, I used it.

Coming later, when I have time: a series of unflattering observations about the psychosexual makeup of certain persons from the other side of politics, possibly leading to a conclusion. Or not. It's still thinking itself through, and y'all know I don't do that deep thinking shit all that well.

1 comment:

Blackdogred said...

Before the magnet story there was the story about how round food is more fattening than triangular food, except when triangular food is more fattening than round food. Except for ice cream.

But isn't Lisa Baden lisabadenish?