O Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!

Curt Onalfo fired.

I'm not the sort of person who takes glee in the suffering of others.¹ I'm sure that Curt Onalfo is a very nice man who loves his family, and whose family loves him. He certainly deserves to be paid the balance of his contract, since he shouldn't have been hired in the first place. But the man is a mediocre-to-bad professional soccer coach, and a horrible fit for my club.

Since I have some common sense, I'm feeling a little tremulous about Benny becoming interim coach. The man is, after all, someone I consider to be a living saint. And he's likely immersing himself in a giant bucket of dysenteric shit. Onalfo didn't suck in a vacuum; DCU's front office set him up to fail, though I will  continue to argue that he could not be set up to succeed, because he is, at best, inept.

I will continue to have serious concerns about Benny's ability to break free of our club's traditional system, which should've died with Saint Piotr Nowak. After all, Benny was raised in it. And there's simply no way that he can shake things up too dramatically at this point in the season--even a wasted hopeless turd of a season like this one. Perhaps he can get us away from the bunkering mentality; that's my only measure of success for him this season, and I hope that management sees it the same way. In my view, if the club can score two goals a game for the rest of the season, it'll be a huge success, even if they lose every one of those games. This team cannot succeed until it restores an attack-oriented outlook. It is a vicious myth that it lacks the horses to do that.

I also suspect that Benny will have the brains to realize that the MLS season is tanked, so a US Open Cup might be a pretty cool thing to show for it all. Even a US Open Cup final would be a pretty cool thing to show for it all, even if they lose in Seattle at 1 PM on a weekday in a half-filled stadium (which is all they ever get in Seattle).

Okay, I take that back. There is no circumstance in which losing to the fucking Retard Baristas is cool at all, ever.²

But let not my caution detract from the joy that is this day. On August 14, I'll be truly, unreservedly happy to go to RFK for the first time in almost three years. Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Beer Showers that is Section 232, I shall fear no Phunions (IP h/t) or Gals or TDFTs or CJ Browns or RedScum or even Sartorially Challenged Retard Baristas, for Benny Art With Me.

Vamos United.

¹This is a gods-damned lie.
²And a great big first-ever Minions shoutout to one of my two dear Seattle pals, Eric the Christkiller, formerly known as the Ugliest Broad in the World, for reasons that will herein forever remain shrouded (get it?) in mystery.

Links Update: BFF (who rightly and karmariffically accuses me of Ba'al-taunting); Fullback (with whom I do not entirely agree, but not violently, and his main point is on target); and D (with whom I like to disagree just on principle, but can't really fault here).

There's a lot of reasonableness out there; the general tenor seems to be that no one is willing to go so far as to say that Onalfo can coach, but everyone wants to dodge that issue in favor of immolating Kasper and Payne. I'm down with the latter, but let's call a thing the thing that it is; Onalfo wasn't anyone's first choice, and he wasn't the right hire, because he's a piss-poor soccer coach.  He also certainly played his role in the player personnel debacle; is anyone going to deny that we now own Kurt Fucking Morsink and Adam Fucking Cristman for any reason other than that Onalfo thought they were a good idea? No. No, they're not.