Friday, January 30, 2009

Fear the Turtle for All the Wrong Reasons

I got no time to respond to bait, but events conspired independently to ensure that, eventually, I had to post on the Maryland Terrapins gruesome attempt at a mens' basketball team this season.

It's like this: I lost interest in Terps basketball about 4 years ago, when this jackass was running the point. Subsequent events have vindicated my disdain for the guy; he's been cut by teams in Israel, France, Latvia, and the NBA's developmental league (Idaho Stampede!). His arrogance infected subsequent Terp teams with a plague of selfish, boneheaded dipshittery of the sort that should not be tolerated by fans of any respectable ACC team.

In the years since the chesty little twit (with whose name I won't even infect my blog) left town a year early to go undrafted by the NBA, Maryland has failed to make the NCAA tournament (a minimum requirement for fans of any respectable ACC team) more than it's succeeded. And Maryland has sucked in the Not Inthe Tournament when it's gotten in, too, losing to teams like Manhattan College (in its own house). Badly. See here, for instance.

The disease has spread to the coach. Look, Gary Williams has given me many happy moments, including the one fucking national title I asked for in my time on this Earth. I'm never going to support firing his drunk, barely-legal-cheerleader-loving ass. On the other hand, Our Blessed Juan Dixon's* success in life has endowed Gary with the sense that he can take any kid off of any playground in America and turn him into a two-guard who will lead a team to the Final Fucking Four, and really, the more felonies the kid's committed, the better.

This is not acceptable coaching behavior. Gary has utterly lost it. He can't recruit, his teams can't rebound, and his teams don't listen to him. The latest, a squabble with the athletic department over whose fault all this is, is the fucking end. While I will not support his termination, I certainly urge his retirement. Immediately. Before I get a hankering to visit the M Circle.

And yeah. I'm off to the hockey game tomorrow.

*And seriously, if you say one bad word about Juan Dixon, ever, within my perceptive range, I will fucking hurt you. I will track you down like Belkar the Sexy Shoeless God of War and I will hurt you. I will fucking cut you, motherfucker. In fact, go to my comments section right now and say nice things about Juan Dixon, even if you don't fucking know what I'm talking about, y'hear? Do it. Now!


ilse said...

Juan Dixon is better than Cats.

whispers said...

No he's not.

Landru said...

I'm fucking poisoning both of you. Right fucking now.

whispers said...

As far as I can tell, Juan Dixon is a fine gentlemen, in spite of his decision to attend a school that worships turtles instead of big furry dogs or whatever the hell a "Hoya" is.

But he's not better than anything feline. Nothing is. Except maybe two felines.

ilse said...

Oh yes he is. He can turn water to wine just by waving his blessed #3 jersey at it.

Landru said...

Brave whispers from a man stuck 7 miles from home with no car.

bdr said...

"He can't recruit."

Actually, the complaint is that he WON'T recruit, and that it was Hahn and Patsos and Dickerson that did all the living room with the parents recruiting that Gary abhors.

And being around a guy who finishes EVERY sentence with, "yeah, I guess that Nat'l Championship doesn't mean anything," has got to suck.

And Juan is great but Fleabus is AWESOME.

Steven said...

Of course Juan is #1 in my book, he does hail from the great city of Baltimore...a city that is #1 in a lot of things...heroine, teen pregnancy, murder rate per capita (we may have slipped to #2, but who's counting?), and crabs...the edible kind....leave that last one alone Landru...just walk away and leave it be.

Sasha said...

I don't need to. But what Landru said.

Jim H. said...

Does Maryland have a basketball team? In the ACC? No shit. I'll have to look for them when they hit tobacco road.

And, for the record, Senator, I saw John Lucas play in person and Juan Dixon is no John Lucas (tho' he's okay).

Jim H.

bdr said...