Saturday, May 22, 2010

Things I Learned on the Internets

After a dreadful week of banditry, I finally slumped down at my laptop to catch up on the Intertubes and find out what happened this week. I'm going to be a lazy dick and mostly not use links (it's a quiz; "Landru, I don't fucking care about your blogroll" does, of course, constitute a passing grade), but I'll note that I'm grateful to blackDogred for tips on some several of these bits of learning.

1. Libertarians are fucking retards. There is no respect in which this statement fails. Period.

2. One of my brother's school chums died this week. While the guy did a couple of remarkably dumb things--a (self-inclusive) hallmark of schooldays contemporaries, actually--he was also, it seems, pretty dedicated to the city of Gophershole (I imagine someone needs to be), and it's all pretty fucking sad.

3. The New York Times lies. A lot. I have no idea whether Richard Blumenthal is a good guy or a bad guy, but the Times sure Gorefucked the hell out of him.

4. It appears that my driving has not improved as much as I had thought, and that makes me sad and humble. Take comfort, aggrieved victim; no one will be in the back seat when I drive the exact same route next weekend.

5. As a corollary to number one, Rand Paul is a very special fucking retard who does far more than prove number one.

6. Some people are so fucking sick that they want to reflect on whether Dora the Explorer (who, as a victim of meme exhaustion, I dislike, but who is not actually a horrible thing) is an illegal immigrant. I have had enough. When my horrible, frustrated, anger-induced downfall comes, it will come over this incredibly butt-stupid issue, probably because some sick fucking racist retard has the fucking temerity to tell me how brown people are stealing our country and that doesn't make him a racist. Shut up, you lying motherfuckers.

7. Seriously, libertarians are actually fucking retarded, in a medical sense. They should have guardians appointed for them, be unallowed to manage their own affairs. They're that fucking stupid.

8. Some (likely British) assclown thinks Joe Cole is worth a lengthy blog post. That's really very funny. Quite possibly the funniest thing of the week.

9. Rand Paul is so fucking retarded that he is causing pigs to fly.

10. That's all some pretty grim shit, except for the Joe Cole thing, so I should wrap the list with the upbeat thing I learned from the Intertubes (not that I actually learned it, I'm just well reminded): Planet rocks. Classically. But rocks nonetheless. Might want to leave off with the Debussy, because French things that aren't food don't really do anyone any good. But Mozart loud and proud, Best Kid Evar, and rock on.


BDR said...

Well, I *was* jagging your chain from the back seat.

BDR said...

Oh, and you *are* a safer driver than you were before, especially when Earthgirl and Planet are in the jeep, thank you, and even when they're not.

Planet enjoyed us following you as you tried to get from Roy's to Boyds in record time. She said to me, "He drives slower when I'm in the car, doesn't he. He's sweet."

Sasha said...

Sorry about the 'driving' thing.

Also. Libertarians are IMMATURE retards.

It needed saying.