Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Followup Hypotheses Designed Solely To Piss Off My Friends

Exhibit: Tim Thomas.

Monday, makes a flaming unsportsmanlike jackass of himself, letting his team down. Team patiently--and unnecessarily--doesn't fine or otherwise punish him for putting himself above the team by refusing to visit the White House, then spewing batshit fucking crazy excuses on his FB page. But wait!

Tuesday, gets benched in favor of Tuukka Rask, a goalie with a vastly inferior winning percentage against the opponent of the evening (do you even need to ask?). Coach Claude Julien did not give a reason for Thomas' benching, at least not that I could find, though it may well have been part of a normal rotation (Thomas has played about 2 of every 3 games this season) and Rask has a very good save percentage this season.

But let's not let facts get in the way of flagrantly abusing correlation/causation logic. Obviously, Tim Thomas' politics caused the Bruins to lose 5-3, a humiliating defeat for one of the hottest teams in the league, on a night when the Caps' three best players weren't dressed and a midget named Scrappy snagged his first career hat trick.

What more evidence do you need? Hypothesis confirmed, it's a theory. Just like gravity.


Sasha said...

I am your friend and I am not feeling remotely pissed off. Could you have meant ... others?

Jolene said...

Local perspective:

Not exactly best buddies with his teammates, it seems.

Also I am not sure I believe "Tuuka Rask" is a real person.

Landru said...

Sasha, I hope this isn't as shattering as, say, the time Bill Clinton gave you herpes,'re not my only friend.

I know. Forlorn hope.

Jolene: that is a very informative piece, thank you very kindly.

fish said...

Tomas is in the Roger Clemens, Oil Can Boyd, Randy Moss class of hero. They will put up with his nonsense only until performance drops below a very high set point. Then sayonara and thanks for the memories.

whispers said...

The cool thing about that article is that the Globe granted anonymity to sources for the purpose of letting them trash Thomas.

This is a regular function of the Globe, whenever the owner of a local team wants somebody run out of time.

I think it's happened a couple dozen times in the past decade, most recently (before Thomas) to Terry Francona.

From the "oh, that's where he's now" category, he's King Kaufman (formerly of the Globe's usage of anonymous sources.

My tone towards the Globe would be less forgiving.

BTW, I hate these captchas. Inevitably one of the words is impossible to read.