Sunday, February 10, 2008

Bill Belichick and Jim Zorn Are Fucksticks

I'm writing this quickly, because I have to go meet up with peeps to go to a hockey game, but there are things that cry out for bloogery goodness and a healthy dose of self-righteousness.

The flagellation of the masses over things Super Bowl cannot be ignored. I have these things to say:

1. Yes, Bill Belichick is a total fuckstick. There's no quibbling, no denial, no hiding, no nothing. He is a cruel person, incapable of graciousness. This separates him from other NFL coaches...uhm...not at all? As a fan, you have limited options here; love your team, and laugh at the fuckstick, or leave your team. I suggest the former. Your coach's downscaled humanity does not invalidate your team-love. Yes, we hate your fucking coach (and your prancing pony princess quarterback, while I'm on the topic). We have good reason. He provides it, especially when he doesn't get a win to which he thinks he's entitled. Can we please start laughing at stuff again?

2. KSK is, in fact, funny. It's a humor blog. What the fuck else are they going to talk about this week? They're gonna worship the Giants? I think not. I think it's reasonable to expect them to slip in some Pats-hating around references to a Giants lineman shitting on hookers' chests, until they've got something better to laugh at. And they will. By the way, did you notice how gently they treated the Bears and Colts last year? Funny, that.

3. Have I mentioned my team? Any of my teams? Like, say, this one? Look at me, I'm laughing. Jim Fucking Zorn? Are you fucking kidding me? After all that and hiring coordinators before coaches and doing your best to emasculate anyone who might want to come work for your blatherskite organization and waving your schlong at the Rooney Rule, you hire one of the fucktards you've already hired? Don't get me wrong, it's a step up over Jim Fucking Fassel. But Jim Fucking Zorn? Fuck you too, Dan and Vinnie. Fuck the fucking fuck outta you. It's not like you wouldn't do it to me. What am I saying? You are doing it to me. Fucksticks.

Gotta go watch hockey. More Death to Zorn later on.

5 comments:

whispers said...

The point I was making about KSK is that crossed a line from making fun of the Pats, which I think is all fair and comes with the territory, to making blanket statements about Pats fans, namely that we are all racists. Yes, there has been racism in Boston and the Red Sox, in particular, have historically been a very racist organization (Tom Yawkey was a good ol' boy in this respect), but OTOH, the Celtics historically were on the vanguard of fighting racism, as were a lot of people in the Boston area.

I don't have personal affection for Brady: he wins for us so I like him. The problem with thinking this reflects on him personally is that one of your heroes, whose real personality you don't know at all, could at any point in time do something horribly offensive like show up on YouTube enjoying a cockfight. Or something like that.

As for BB: I think he's really just a misunderstood nerd. At times he's like the artless newbie Diplomacy player trying to be sneaky and doing a really pathetically horrible job at it. But he's won 3 Super Bowls in 4 shots. The rest of the coaches in Patriots' history? They've gotten us zilch: one Super Bowl rout which is considered by many to be the worst drubbing ever and another game where Parcells was out the door before the coin toss.

So, maybe BB is scum, but he's our scum. And I'm sticking with the "misunderstood genius nerd" explanation.

It's time for me to take my red Wesleyan hoodie out for a game of 1-on-1. (cue Adam Sandler)

"I love my SWEAT SHIRT! Red hooded SWEAT SHIRT!"

Sasha said...

I desperately want to explain to whispers, but he doesn't seem to want to listen. Not even the part about if you aren't a racist they aren't talking about you. So if you don't like it, don't read it.

That said ZORN? Z O R N ????

*spit*

Right now I'm guessing he'll be around for six games. And Jim Fassell is none too pleased about Little Danny's anal rape. Who the hell will be available next December to take over the helm? Vinnie?

*spit*

Jolene said...

Here's the thing - it really isn't about feeling slighted because I think the jokes are about me personally. It's about the fact that I don't think the blanket statements about Boston and its fans are accurate or fair, and it's honestly upsetting to see my hometown, a place that I dearly love, characterized that way.

If I actually believed the people making all the Boston Is Racist jokes were sincere about combatting racism, it might not such a big deal, but the fact is, the same people who accuse us of being racists turn around and in the next breath make racist jokes about Asians and other groups (apparently, racism only exists when it's black vs. white).

I also have a hard time not having contempt for such people when they show themselves to be such morons. The same ones who make the jokes also routinely make jokes about Boston not having any black people at all, which doesn't even make any sense, but which they really seem to believe. Yes, large parts of New England are very, very white, but Boston? No.

Whatever. You already know that I don't actually think KSK has ever been funny, except for a few isolated things, regardless of what team they happen to be discussing at any particular moment. Which is why, no, I don't read them. But that doesn't mean I can't be pissed about the things that get said there.

And I'm also pissed that the same Boston-bashing has pretty much ruined Deadspin for me. Yes, the answer is always "no one's forcing you to read it," but that's not the point. The point is that it used to be one of my favorite sites, and I want to read it, but it's been ruined by all the assholes. I think I'm entitled to be pissed about that.

bdr said...

My old ten wasn't even shipped to Colorado before my new ten was given my old ten's ten.

Business is bodies. Uniform!

bdr said...

They just legalized fucksticks in Texas:

http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/02/14/0214sextoys.html

Still illegal in Virginia though.